What I’ve learned from living with girls in 1 months time

So those of you who don’t know about a month ago I moved into a house right by UW-Milwaukee with 3 21 year old girls. I’ve had girlfriends along the way, lived with my sister my whole life but nothing has opened my eyes up about women as much as the last month. Here are some things i’ve learned.

1.) Girls are messier than guys

I feel like a fucking neat freak around these girls, walk in the bathroom, hair in the sink and toiled, panties on the floor, curling irons galore, not to mention about 50 pairs of shoes in the living room, making it like a goddamn mouse trap when i’m trying to take a leak in the middle of the night. Tampons in the toiler fucking repulse me, nightmare city.

2.) Selfie’s all day every day

There is always an opportunity for a selfie, just did your hair (selfie), just got a new kitty (selfie) just bought a new bottle of tequila (selfie) I don’t mind it, hell i’ve even taken a few selfies with them, just praying for no selfie of me just fucking sawing logs after drinking about 12 w-cokes some friday night. Hell it’s better than waking up to my old roomie Bobby Loves Biscuits, toxic, moley, acne ass in my face and risking me getting pink eye.

3.) They always bring over friends and give zero fuck

Just realized i sound bitter as fuck at the moment, i like them bringing over girl friends, gives KASH first pic of the litter, come out of the shower rocking a hand towel and a fresh due from the molding cream, chirp at em a bit and make them wonder what it’s like to watch some netflix and hop on my queen sized work bench, just the onces hammered yelling at 3am rattle my cage.

4.) Theres thirsty dudes out there, but these gals know how to play the game-

If we go out to a bar, these gals play it so well, act like their interested in the dude for 30 minutes, minewhile he’s air shipping shots of tequila over to them for free all night, give them 1 dance, maybe a little grind session give the guys a chub and go escape to the bathroom with the other gals.

All in all I wouldn’t trade it for anything, there super cool, every night is an adventure, they get my drunk off tequila (which i despise) on a monday night. But they keep me on my toes, prolly end up wifing one of their friends IMO






Eddie Lacy is getting Shredded from P90X

My man Edward is looking jacked and leaaaan, look at that jaw line. Looks like Lacy has put down the fork, stopped shovelling chinese food down his gullett and got that fat arrrsss in the gym. Here’s the thing Tony Horton is a fucking maniac, he does pushups in his fucking sleep, might be cock pushups but it’s all the same. I did 2 weeks of Insanity and I felt like an 80 year old man, could get out of bed, couldn’t lift my spoon to eat cereal. If Eddie keeps this up he’s gonna be 2 bills and sprinting past linebackers. Seriously the Packers have to bring Tony Horton on as their strength and conditioning coach if this works right? 


Pack SB Champs in ’16.. Book it



Donald Trump is the best follow on Twitter

I fucking love Twitter, Facebook and even putting up a Facebook post is for poor people, I basically go on Facebook to see what girls are hot and which ones let themselves go and put on some pudge. I go on Twitter when i’m bored, taking a shit, running on the shredmill, on a date etc.

I recently saw a retweet of Donald Trump’s and it was so absurd that I thought it was a fake account, little did I know I stumbled upon on the most breathtaking, savage, ruthless twitter accounts on the net.

Donny is a fucking nut job and there is a part of me that’s scared shitless if that bat shit crazy bastard is calling the shots but the other part of me respects the living fuck out of him. He gives zero fucks about any candidate, person, news reporter of leader of a different country thinks of him.

Go give him a follow as he rips on Rubio or tells Cruz he looks like shit, but here’s so goodie tweets.

I only wish my wonderful father, Fred, gave me $200 million to start my business like lightweight Rubio says. He didn’t – total fabrication!

Lightweight Marco Rubio was working hard last night. The problem is, he is a choker, and once a choker, always a choker! Mr. Meltdown.

Mitt Romney, who was one of the dumbest and worst candidates in the history of Republican politics, is now pushing me on tax returns. Dope!

Why would Texans vote for “liar” Ted Cruz when he was born in Canada, lived there for 4 years-and remained a Canadian citizen until recently

These are just a few tweets, give old Donny a follow to see for yourself. He’s going to build a 20 foot tall wall on the mexican border and I love it, he’ll nuke ISIS and prolly end up fucking with North Korea and that lard ass Kim Jong Un. 

Predictions for the election: 

Trump calls hilary a carpet muncher and exposes her on benghazi

Trump buys Bernie Sanders poor ass and sends him off to Cuba

Make America Great Again, i’m pushing all my chips in the middle, i’m all in on Donny.


NFL Network Analysts Forget They’re Live


Mind Blown

The one thing that came to mind as soon as I saw this happened. First off don’t fuck with my Badgies, Stave is too good of a guy to talk shit about. Second, what a rookie mistake…talking shit while still on set there is no telling when cameras or mic’s are rolling, fucking bozos. Third who the fuck are you to to talk shit in the first place, you are in the booth, not on the field, and better yet on the NFL network not ESPN.

First talking shit about his singing and asking if its as bad as his passing? Get the fuck out of here, I’d love to see you go on a radio show and sing a song or two then go out and sling some TD’s for the best team in the NCAA

And then to say the “And up next the next former Browns quarterback” cripes almighty I would give these jokers the boot so quick if I was running the show at NFL network, what an embarrassment.


Catch you on the rebound!


Badgies Stay Hot as a Pistol and trounce Michigan

So I was on a road trip for work on a fucking Sunday just listening to my boy Matt Lepay and some tired ass oldies station in Madison, fist pumping, the audio stream going out of commission, gripping my nuts to another Badgie victory. They are hotter than a fucking pistol and I have the fever. Just taking a steaming shit on the B-10, freshman coming into their own, not to mention Nigel and Brons have found their offensive game and roles as leaders. Bo Ryan is sitting at home sipping a moscow mule with his badger slippers on, taking the wife to the work bench while Greg Gard is looking around his office for notes on an offensive set that he has from a Bobby Knight coaching clinic 22 years ago. Seriously, Greg Gard doesn’t sleep but I love that nocturnal fucker. 

Here’s what’s next up

Truck Minnesota

Play a close game and lose to Purde

Make it to the B-10 Ship and it’s a coinflip if they win or lose.




I”m back bitches, and i’m using this as my resume for Barstool, wouldn’t mind moving to New York and spending $15 on a slice of pizza.


Two Words: Bam Bam

Cubs' Kyle Schwarber Hits Home Run During Spring Training BP, Crushes Windshield

While the majority of men are crying in their bed sheets because football is over, I am getting gitty and dusting off my shorts and trashy cut off shirts why you might ask? Spring training is right around the corner. Believe me I love watching my AZ Cards on a Sunday but I can live happily with NCAA football and basketball, MLB, and the NHL and without the NFL for a few months. So believe me when I say this the smell of ball park hot dogs and popcorn while basking in the Arizona sun is as close to paradise as you can get for an American. If you haven’t made it to a spring training game out there it is something I HIGHLY recommend you do.

Now onto something better than general spring training starting, Chicago Cubs spring training. I can just imagine Mesa, Arizona with W’s on every street corner, Jon Lester chucking miller latte cans at dudes at some desert party, and Kyle Shwarber smashing car windshields at batting practice. Okay I may have been dreaming a little until the last one; I don’t care how much you dislike the Cubs or enjoy watching them lose you can’t tell me that no matter what uniform this kid is wearing it is a pleasure to watch him play. The sheer power this kid has with a bat gets me so riled up, every time I see his name on the roster I know we have a fair chance at getting a couple runs on the board. That is a feeling that a cubs fan doesn’t get often, and not only Shwarber but Rizzo, Russel, and Soler. Four young and talented big bats with a hunger to win, that my friends is something to look forward to.

In all reality yeah it’s cool Shwarbs knocked one into your car window but deep down I would be fucking pissed, I would either make sure the Cubs paid for it or rattle them for some opening day tix to see them take the Reds to the work bench.

Catch you on the rebound!




ESPN’s Real Hero

Over the years we have seen a handful of dances have we not? From the Fat Joes Lean Back, to Whipping and Nae Naeing (the worst) and now we have dabbing. I don’t know what this world is coming to that Cam Newton doing the Dab is at times one of the most talked about thing. Maybe I’m bitter cause I’m white and fit the stereotype that white people cant dance, jump, and blah blah blah.

Now that I’m over my bitching about how a dance gets popular something else I can bitch about is this kids “Squad” totally ruining his flow. Never fails a group of 12 year old bozos trying to make the big time by sneaking a cameo on Sportscenter. I give this kid props dude has tight lettuce for the big screen nice button down shirt and IMO is killing the dab, just chucking rocks at Cam. With that being said there is no need for these fame hungry dip shits who have no rhythm and dorky ass smiles on their face try to take away from little Joey the Dab man with moves for days and a stone cold face that draws you in. I don’t know or care what his name is but I can just see this kid being  CEO of his own company one day just closing deals while that group of peasants is sitting at their fantasy football draft party in 20 years talking about how they made it on Sportscenter that one time and people loved the clip so much bloggers were talking about it. Don’t get your hopes up kids you all look like you suck. Go Joey the Dab man, remember to throw Bottoms up Bros a bone when you hit the big time.

Catch you on the rebound!


Bad Boy Phase

Man kicked out of all-you-can-eat buffet after eating more than 50 lbs of food, sues for $2-million\

Man kicked out of all-you-can-eat buffet after eating more than 50 lbs of food, sues for $2-million

America, “Land of the Free Home of the Brave” and the overly obese.

Out of all the cases I’ve heard of over the years that have to due with suing over food such as fingers in chicken nuggets or spilling coffee and burning your little worthless twat this has to be top of the list “Problems With Americans.”

For fucks sake it should not be humanly possible for someone to eat as much as this guy ate OVER 50 Lbs. just by the looks of this dude I bet one of his stumps for feet weigh at least 100 lbs. I don’t know why I’m actually trying to imagine the rest of his body but it can only lead a person to wonder just what the fuck does a person do to get to this point. I mean I’m not a cross fit healthy fuck but I hit the gym 3-5 times a week and as of late I’ve been slashing some carbs and trying to pick up some more fruit but hell I feel guilty just driving past T-bell and thinking about bringing havoc on a steak quesaritto I couldn’t fathom eating over 50 lbs. Hell whenever I hit up the China Buffet the whole time I shovel orange chicken and fried rice in my mouth I tell myself how much I hate myself for eating shitty and because I max out at two plates so I feel robbed so I might as well go to Panda.

Things I wonder about that are missing in this article.

  1. How many fucking plates did this guy have to get 50 lbs of food at least 30?
  2. How many chairs does it take to, not only fit his ass on, but hold his big ass up.
  3. What kind of job does he have to not be able to pay for an $8.50 buffet and eat enough food for a month.
  4. How did they “physically” throw this glob out? Fucking crane?
  5. How does he wipe his ass?

Don’t be this guy, but also don’t be the #gymrat #fitlife #crossfit fucker either, neither of these two people are acceptable in a world I want to live in.

For your/my satisfaction I will keep my eyes peeled for a follow up on the verdict of this fat fuck, IMO they need to pay him the 2 Mill at his rate he’ll guzzle 1 mill just in mashed taters in the next year.

Catch you on the rebound!



Kids Worst Nightmare

San Antonio Spurs Kiss Cam




First off I couldn’t get over how much this kid looks like Jordan Spieth.

Second it is already a little embarrassing getting called out on the kiss cam but then to make it worse you’re with a tired ass 5/10 biddie and she wont even kiss you. Cripes this had to have scarred this kid from ever going to another sporting event. Better yet the dude running the graphics brings savage to another level by over and over going back to them.

If I was this kid I would have just twisted an ear on her and brought her in for a slobbery wet one on the kisser. What does he really have to lose chances are he didnt get a text back after he dropped her off at home in his tired ass 1998 honda accord. All in all i solute this dude for chugging shiner bochs and keeping with it and planting on on her.

Good job Jordan, or broke ass, running less than average biddies doppelganger.

Catch you on the rebound.



Kobe Bryant Shit his pants and waddled up the court last night


My God Kobe be older, you cant. 

Ever been to a 3rd grade basketball game where the kid stands in the corner and holds his crotch because he peed his whitey tighties, well an NBA player just did the equivalent of that last night. He 100% farted and it ended up being poop, only way to play it off is to puncture your butt cheeks and waddle up the court. Kobe has taken a turn for the worst, gray hair coming next, balls are gonna drop 3 inches, just rough sledding for the Black Mamba now.

P.S. The dude who tweeted at me saying it might be shinsplints can GTFO, NBA players don’t get shinsplints 207lb guys in their mid 20’s like myself do