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What Johnny Football and K.A.S.H. Have In Common

So the NFL Draft was last night and the Packers passed up on drafting Johnny Manziel with their pick (smart move, HA HA will ball out on the field no doubt.) But I’m sitting here in the library, hungover off Jamo and Whiskey and I can’t help but see so many similarities between me and Johnny Football. So here goes nothing.

1.) Nicknames- Johnny Football is such a money nickname like seriously, your first name followed by the sport you play shouldn’t be such a dope nickname but it is. Then I look over at myself who took some initials out of his first and last name and compiled it into a pretty tight nickname. Honestly would just have to flip a coin to figure out who’s nickname is better, but either way I don’t even believe half my friend or ppl I see at the Bull even know what my first or last name is. 

2.) We Both Ravage In Sports- So Johnny Football tears it up on the football field versus SEC competition and I was backup quarterback for my high school football team. Not a huge difference in my opinion. He makes 300pound lineman miss, I make people miss my flags in flag football, just another way we’re similar. Fucker throws up the money signs after he scores a touchdown, I do the riverdance or the Gronkowski spike. Kid just balls out on the field, can’t even act like we’re in the same ballpark in this one. I do however RAKE on the softball diamond… “Wake and Rake” kids it’s a lifestyle. 

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Best Touchdown celebration ever??

 

3.) We both enjoy getting belligerent- I enjoy the crap out of going out with my friends and just having a good time, with bottomless W-Cokes and Miller Latte cups, occasionally I will get a little too frisky and do shit I’m not the most proud of but hey it’s something me and Johnny Manziel have in common. I’m just going to share these pics with you and you can decide who’s life is more sick.

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Is that a fucking sparkler in his mouth? Seriously such a power move. Hot blonde on his hip and bro’s having the time of their life partying with him. 

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Johnny is just cooked in this picture, can’t even look up at the camera or stand up straight, such a boss. Can these girls just let the dude breathe for a second instead of dumping champagne down his throat. By the way everytime I drink champagne at weddings they have the rename the dance floor after me because I cut a fuggin rug. I might just walk around the Bull with a bottle of Whiskey like this.

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Ok, this might be my favorite pic of Johnny Football ever, scooby doo costume for halloween and bitties are just flocking to him. A couple of 9.9/10’s on each shoulder will play. This is relatable to when I dressed up as Fred Flinstone or Harry from Dumb and Dumber, pretty much too easy to get girls attention when you rock those outfits. I know what i’m being for Halloween next year, Scooby Doo will play.

4.) We can’t keep our eyes open in pictures- Woke up and i’m pretty flustered with myself, just didn’t put on a good performance in front of the camera for one of our blog readers 21st birthday party, Either was really tired or the Whiskey woudn’t allow my eyes to open. No worries, Johnny Football has this same problem.

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5.) We Both Love Money- So his parents ran a multi-million dollar oil rigging field and I grew up on a farm in Seymour, honestly no big difference. Johnny Football sold his autograph in college to make money, i’d do the same exact thing, seriously if I can get $30,000 dollar in my pocket for signing my name i’d do it too. I love hustling, making money, being entreprenurial, i’ll own my own business one day and be my own boss. Just the way it has to be. 

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Couldn’t find the pic of me sleeping on a bed full of $100 bills but it does exist.

 

5.) Meeting Johnny Football Story Time-

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So me and my buddy were in Indianapolis for the NFL Combine and we see a flock of people sorrounding someone and we find out it’s Johnny Football. I worked my IPhone hard and it went dead as I was getting my camera ready for a selfie with Johnny Manziel. Luckily my buddy had it ready and just as Johnny Football was about to raid the Nike Shoe store he looked up and put on a million dollar smile in this pic with us. Seriously the best pic of my life to date. Dude has so much swag, I cracked a joke and made Johnny Football geek out so that  was pretty tight. As you can see i’m trying to run the Johnny Football hairstyle here. Not as good obvi but it’ll play.

 

The list of similarities between us are endless, gonna cut it off here and do some actual homework.

Stay sweet,

K.A.S.H.

 

5 Reasons I Want To Date A College Athlete

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My whole life I’ve had a thing for girls that play sports. If you play sports you’e automatically 2 points hotter in my book. I’ve dated girls that aren’t big into sports, it’s not quite a deal breaker but my god if you play sports I think we’re destined for each other.

The following reasons I want to date an athlete in college are in no particular order, just whatever I think of:

1.) Go to all their games

There’s nothing sexier than a woman in uniform, I don’t care if it’s soccer, basketball, volleyball tennis, they’re all the same and athletes are just smoking hot in their uni’s. I also think it’d be pretty tight to be boyfriend fan guy, where you have season tickets go to every game home and away and just cheer your ass off, while your girlfriend owns other chicks in the sport.

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Not quite sure if i’m ready to be “wears girlfriends jersey to game guy” yet, this is a bold move man, that consequences of doing this could be fatal.

2.) They are in incredible shape- Almost every college athlete, doesn’t matter on what class, size, or position has a banging body. These chicks are working out year round, getting up at 6am and doing insane workout while my dumbass is nursing a hangover or sleeping in because I stayed up too late watching Netflix. These girls have fucking washboard abs and legs for days. This seems like such a shallow reason for me to name but honestly, if she tells you an athlete you can check it off the list as her being in great shape.

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Here’s a pic of U.S Women’s soccer team players Alex Morgan (closer) and Sydney Leroux (with the big boobs) Sydney Leroux is a fucking goddess.

3.) Celebrity that goes with it- Don’t tell me their isn’t a celebrity to who’s dating the dudes on the Men’s Basketball team, I’m pretty sure it goes the same way if you’re dating a girl on any of the athletics teams. I cold go from an average fucking dude on campus, but if I started dating one of the hotties or star players on a athletics team, people will know my name and probably buy me free food, not take my seats in class and do my homework for me. This is how I see it, sports rules the fucking world and it’s the same way at GB. I just imagine going to a game sititng in the stands and people not even knowing my name but just seeing me rocking my girlfriends jersey and coming up to me and introducing themselves. so sweet.

4.) They’re Competitive- There is something that’s phenomenal about a chick who’s got a competitive edge to her. Not only only the field, but off the field, it’s such a game changer when she has that trait about her. Yeah it might start a few minor fights when she beats your ass in FIFA14 or beats your ass in a game of HORSE. Man up and take it, you’ve got yourself a winner.

5.) They probably love watching sports- Football Picture

I guarantee you this couple pictured above is so fucking happy. I’m already jealous of this Justin Bieber looking fuck. If she plays sports, odds are she’ll be down to watch some sports game on tv or if you’ve got a great one even go to games with you. I’m so flustered I haven’t met this chick wearing the #2 jersey above, pretty much a dealbreaker that if a girl can’t stand my passion for sports she needs to go on to the next one. I will sit down and watch the Notebook for a girl too, got a sensitive side to me as well.

 

Feel like I got too personal on this one, but whatever, shit is all true talk.

 

K.A.S.H.

Valentine’s Day

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It’s Valentine’s Day and I took a few days off to refresh/ go to the bull and have way too many sodas, so i’m back here to give you my take on Valentine’s Day. I’ve been in relationships and been single on Valentine’s Day so i’ll give you my 2 cents on this day.

Single People

  • Single Guys- I’ve been a single guy on Valentine’s Day and let me tell you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one fucking day of the year where every couple spends the night with each other, so you might feel alone. Don’t be so damn soft bro and sack the hell up. Find some of your fellow single bro’s and go out to the tavern and have some sodas, who knows maybe you’ll meet your future girlfriend. I have no issue with not doing anything on this holiday either, pick up a greasy pizza, or a chipotle burrito and crush some Netflix.
  • Here are a few DO NOT’s for single guys… Do NOT get all depressed and shit and put up stupid ass Facebook posts and Tweets about how lonely you are and you wish you were spending the night with a girl. I will slap the shit out of any guy who does this because that’s weak sauce and if you keep up that attitude you’ll be in the same boat next Valentines Day.
  • This is a tweet from my buddy from his Twitter account. “With hand lotion and a new rag Im all set for valentines day”

This is freaking hilarious! Dude is prepared for not having a girlfriend or even getting laid for the next full 12 months, props to this guy for admitting he’s not getting laid on Valentine’s Day or anytime in the near future. 

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Single Girls- 

Now this is where K.A.S.H. may take some heat on his opinion, but fuck it here it goes. Girls who are single on Valentine’s Day could be sad and depressed and this is totally understandable, but let me tell you I think there are ways to make the best of this.

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Wine solves everything for women, or at least that’s the vibe I get from every girl who had a bad day or wants to unwind, give a girl some Franzia and just let her work shit out. Wine will solve everything on Valentine’s day, and leave you with a nice headache in the morning. For dudes I recommend Fireball Whiskey

Stay off Facebook for the night- This shit will bother you if you see your girlfriends posting pics of their fucking goody basket they got from their boyfriend along with some OPEN FLOWERS. “Open Flowers” show that the dude got the flowers 10 minutes before he showed up to your house and those roses are gonna be dead tomorrow in the morning, damn slacker. But Facebook is like a goddamn flower and chocolate showcase and it flusters the hell out of me. I logged onto Facebook this morning and wanted to punch my laptop screen in.

Stay calm ladies, it’s one day and you’ll all find that special someone.

Tips for Bro’s in relationships

  • Buy her chocolate and flowers– this is all standard and pretty traditional stuff, but she’ll flip shit if she doesn’t receive both of these. She’ll send your ass packing if you forget these, and you myaswell stop at Wal-Mart and scoop some Jergens Lotion.
  • Take her out to eat somewhere nice- Now is not the time to be cheap, you better bring at least a $50 bill and expect to have none left. Don’t be a fucking cheapskate and try and take her to a place like McDonalds or Fazolli’s, that shits for the chickens. Take her to Nakashimas, get her a couple cocktails and for god sakes pull out her chair and the whole nine yards it’s a special day.
  • Buy her a giant Teddy Bear- This is such a power move, guarantee she’ll love this shit, and every time you step foot in her room she’ll bring up how much she loves that gift. Boom you’re welcome
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  • YOU’RE NOW THE MAN, AFTER GIVING HER THIS MONSTER

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Shiiiiit, I might by myself a dozen of these roses, shit is beautiful, makes me wanna cry.

Girls—

All I ask of you on Valentine’s day is you don’t expect a disney parade in your honor, if you’re guy puts forth a good effort give him some props and give him some love

OTHER THOUGHTS—–

  • Don’t Propose on Valentine’s Day-  This is such an unoriginal move and quite frankly a peasant move. She’s probably expecting it, and everyone would lose respect for you.

I do miss the days of grade school when everyone gave everyone a card and candy, this shit was incredible. I was scared shitless of talking to girl in the 3rd grade but you bet your ass i’m eating those Bottlecaps you threw in that card for me.

By the way i’m still hungover as shit from The Bull last night, pretty epic stuff happened last night may have to blog about it.

K.A.S.H.