Sports

How to Cope With a Packers Loss!!

I get so Damn Depressed after a PACKERS LOSS!! So here is my recipe on how to cope with tonight’s depressing loss. 

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1. Drink And Drink Heavily!!

 This One is pretty much a given.  You drink in celebration after a Packers Win, and drown yourself by drinking into depression after a packers loss.  Hell I’m in my parents house laying in me bed right now by myself sipping on Bloody Vagina’s/Bloody V’s (Cranberry Vodkas).

2. Where Black The Day After

I got this tradition from my sophomore History teacher in High School.  I noticed every time after the packers loss he was wearing black the following day.  Ever since I noticed that I have been doing the same thing. Since I will be working at my dream job the OG tomorrow I will be wearing black anyways.

3. Don’t Watch Sportscenter

I can’t watch Sportscenter for about a week.  I can’t bear to hear them talk about the Packers losing.  Its like breaking up with your now EX GF, you don’t want to keep talking about it.  You wan’t to move one and forget about it.  Plus I don’t need some lousy peasant named JAWS telling me what the Packers did wrong in their last loss.  I know what they fuggin did wrong, now get out. 

4. Drink Some More

Seriously drink so much that you don’t even remember the game.  Drink so much that when you come back from the bathroom puking you wonder why your butt ass naked.  Except for the bathroom rug wrapped around you, that may or may not have happended to me before.  Bloody V’s will do that to you…

If there are a lot of Grammar Errors in this I don’t give a damn I am drunk..

-Swaggy C 

Saturday’s UWGB Softball Tournament Recap

Going for my 2nd blog of the day in an attempt to study and do my papers as little as possible. Fisch is currently to my left in a huge business meeting room after crushing a home cooked meal in the GB cafeteria. $1 coffee’s in the GB Coffee shop will play.

Anyways, i’m going to blog about my day on Saturday, where “We Got The Runs” fought our hearts out to win a championship.

The Morning-

I rolled out of rack at about 9am Saturday morning, not feeling too shabby after taking it easy on the Miller Latte’s the night before, pissed excellence and started to get my baseball clothes/gear ready. Woke up threw on a Red Nike Dri Fit tee, some blue and yellow nike shorts, and grabbed my red and grey Demarini glove, just pimping out my apparrel right off the bat. Look Good, Feel Good, Feel Good, Play Good is a life motto of mine.

The Drive/ Pregame- Listened to a little E.Church, Luke Bryan, Darius Rucker (Wagon Wheel) i’ve yet to meet a person yet who doesn’t sing this song at the top of their lungs when it comes on the radio. Stopped at McDonalds just ravaged a Bacon Egg’n Cheese Biscuit, stopped at the gas station scooped up some Big League Chew, and showed up at the ballpark. My team was there warming up, I introduced myself as K.A.S.H. and told them i’m here to rake the softball all day (hit it hard and far). Was loving the vibe of my teammates, super cool people.

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If you played baseball or softball at all growing up i’m pretty sure you’ve had this stuff. Shit literally is gold in shredded shrands of bubblegum. I used to go through like 2 packs per game in little league.

 

Early Stages of the tournament- We just ravaged the first team we played 16-1 Mando and the bro’s on the other team were getting flustered at us because we were running up the score and just smashing the softball.

2nd game- This is where shit got ugly for our team. We played a pretty solid team and only had 8 players because Davy Crockett had to go run the golf shop, and another bro had to leave for a bit. Our sticks were weak this game and we only scored 4 runs and got our arrrrssssses smoked.

Lunch Time- Losing our game meant we could only lose one more game for the rest of the tourney. I told the team it’s time to “Sack Up” and we were going to win the whole Fckn thing. So we went up to the grill they had going and decided to dabble on some hot dogs and burgers. Fisch crushed a hot dog and kid was an absolute firecracker for the rest of the day, they must’ve soaked the dogs in some whiskey or something, kid was frisky as fuck. I got a greasy cheeseburger that was defected, just flipped all over the grill filled with juice. Run to the field and get ready to run the table.

Middle Games- Pretty simple stuff here. Put in Big League Chew, catch a buzz off it, everybody on the team rakes the softball, we win our next 3 games pretty easy. Fisch was on the pitching mound just deaaaaaalllllllliiiiiinnnnngggggg out there, Clayton Kershaw esq. Our girls were killin out there, so basically we made the ship and had to beat the undefeated time 2 times in the championship to take home the title.

Championship Games- This team was full of superstars who loved their lives. I made a web gem at 1st base that made a few girls squeal out in excitement. We won our first game pretty easily against them, cuz we just smashed the ball and killed it in the field.

No Water/ Dehydration/ Sunburn- They ran out of water, so our whole team was just playing and we’re all thirsty as a dog, just can’t even swallow because it feels like we have a dry towel in our mouth. I look down to see one of the hardest farmer tans i’ve ever had in my life, and some biddie in the stands says my face is getting cooked. At this point I just threw in some more Big League Chew and went on with the games.

The Ship/Celebration- In the 2nd game of the championship we were back and forth trading the lead with the other team, till we broke out one inning and scored a ton of runs. We won and celebrated like we won the World Series (which it basically was)

We got our team pic taken with the tournament bracket in front of us, going to be my cover picture on Facebook for the next year, no doubt about it. Then got our Under Armour UWGB Tees for winning the title, and proceeded to have shower beers and party.

 

Sunburn Update- I’ve been applying aloe vera every half hour to try and get my face in good enough shape to have a few sodas tonight.

School Update: 3 more exams left, going to be grinding in the library hard the next few days, and probably drink an unhealthy amount of alchohol on Thursday night to celebrate being done with school.    Coffee, Big League Chew, Lipsnacks, and country music will play in the library. Will be playing bangers in the library for everyone to hear. 

Honestly listen to this song and try not to sing as loud as you can, just gets me pumped up for summer.

 

I can’t be the only person who thinks it’s a sauna in the library, literally sweating off 5lbs up in this bitch.

Floor 3 of the Cofrin Library is for play, Floor 6 is for grinding. Legooo

Jpaul your pickle you got in and were safe on, on Saturday made me have a weird tingling in my pants. Just practices pickles in the back yard.

Lewandowski aka Scooter Gennett, raaaaakes

 

K.A.S.H.

 

 

 

 

 

*Olympics Special* Dudes Who Do The Luge Event Are Insane

Hey  guys it’s Olympic time and i’m sitting her sipping a cold Miller LIte and watching THE LUGE event. Let me tell you these bastards are crazy as hell. These dudes are on a fucking sled wearing no padding or anything, looks like a pure suicide mission to me.

For those of you who have no idea what i’m talking about, here’s a video of a dude “Luging” for a gold medal

Here are some random thoughts about Luging that I have:

1.) Just watch one of these events, these sicko’s a are going 90MPH on a sled flat on their back.

I compare this to when I go to Noah’s Ark in the Wisconsin Dells and go down the “Point of No Return”. I get the butterflies in my stomach, as I see a few people go down the slide and look down at the straight drop, until I see some 80lb 7year old girl go down then my pride steps in and I step up to the plate. No not in the “Luge” people have died doing this shit, had concussions that are worse than car crashes. Sorry but when I go do “The Point of No Return” I know the worst that’s gonna happen to me is i’m gonna have a wedgie a mile high up my ass, that it feels like i’m wearing a thong.

2.) Anything that requires going at the speed of a Mercedes Benz and I have no control over it, Screw that. 

I don’t trust my own dumbass going 90MPH on Highway 41, much less saying “fuck it” and closing my eyes holding tight on the two little handle while I go around sharp corners and have no control. Give these poor bastards a seatbelt or mix in some knee pads for God sakes, or would that make them less manly? I’ll pass

3.) This is not sledding! 

These dudes are savages, they’re not on an inner tube with a little PAM cooking spray applied to the bottom of the tube. P.S. I’ll  never forget the time my Phys. Ed teacher in High School went down the biggest hill and took out this chick and broke her arm, still top 10 funniest moments of my life seeing his face after that. These dudes on on the “blue bomber” sled with some skies on steroids. This is from the WIKIPEDIA page of “Luge”—-” Serious lugers spend hours meticulously sanding their “steels,” and making other important adjustments and repairs to their sleds.” Let’s break down this definition. “Sanding Their Steals”?? WTF I could just see those European crazies up all night with a steak knife just standing the shit out of these skies to where they could slice through a boulder no sweat.

I’m going to keep watching and praying I don’t watch someone fall off that sled.

Respect to those Lugers, video of my Luging coming soon!

K.A.S.H.

College Basketball/Football Saturdays

All bro’s that like sports know where i’m coming from on this one, you went out on Friday night and got hammered, crushed $15 worth of taco bell and passed out. It’s 10:30AM on Saturday morning and College Gameday is on TV. Some college kid nails a half courter for $18grand and the Notre Dame basketball team swarms him and gives him bro hugs.

Shit is great I could imagine me going up there and knocking one down in the Kohl Center while Sam Dekker loses his shit and goes Lebron on me, and Bo Ryan offers me a scholarship.

So you realize since you feel like a bag of shit, you’re not going to do anything productive till 7PM, so now you need to do the following:

– Go grab greasy food to absorb hangover: (Chinese, Chipotle, a Fat Pizza) any of these will do the trick

-Gatorade and Ibuprofren- Any college kid know these speed up the healing process

– Put a few bucks on the sports games- makes the games way more fun

–  Maybe order 2 of those Chicken and Steak burritos, because let’s be honest your hungover fat ass isn’t getting off the couch while college sports are on.

So 8:00 comes around you look down and see splattered Queso all over your belly and your bro shoots you a text asking if you want to go the The Bull tonight (I will refer to Cock’N Bull as the Bull for future reference) and you think i’m starting to feel mildly better myaswell dump some cheap beer down my throat. So you shower up, throw some mold in the hair, throw on some tired ass hoodie and go for round 2.

REPEAT on NFL Sunday..

K.A.S.H.