Pizza Sticks (Cheese Fries) From the Phoenix Club

I’m about to reveal UWGB’s greatest secret on campus, and the best thing in the world $6 can buy.

Here it is…….


My life changed last semester when I was looking to crush some food in the Phoenix Club and Swaggy C told me to try these gems.   These sticks are unreal toss the cashier $6 and scoop up the best deal on campus. Shit is served to you like a king with the sauce plate dabbled in the middle it’s top notch high quality pie. Here are some warnings and disclaimers about this pizza though….

1.) Order a whole pizza yourself- I know you’re going to feel like a fatfuck degenerate when you order a whole pizza and sit there and scroll through your phone for 10 minutes waiting for it. But I promise you the shame is worth it when the lady bring the pizza over to you and you see how prime it looks. If you share it with your friend I promise you, you guys will be racing eating the pizza just so you get that extra piece, may even ruin a friendship if one gets way more slices.


2.) About 3/4 of the way through the pizza you will hit the wall, and you will have to nut up and fight the pain to finish it. This could be your arteries getting clogged or your brain telling you that “you can’t eat a whole pizza fatty”. This is when I feel like Adam Richman from “Man Vs. Food” and I envision everyone in the Phoenix Club chanting my name and willing for me to victory over that greasy pizza. 

3.) The After Effects- About a half hour after you eat the pizza you’re going to feel like a volcano is in your gut just brewing up. This is where you feel like a failure and you’re hating your life for having those extra 4 pieces. Disclaimer*** Do not try to do any physical activity for the next 2 hours or you may lose it. I’ve found that rubbing your tummy is the cure for this, that or crush some TUMS.

Moral of the story: In my opinion it’s the best food on campus, certainly not healthy but any means, but if you’re looking to defile yourself for a meal go here scoop a pizza and kill it. Better options than the withered grill.

Anyways, that’s all I got i’m about to go crush a Miller Liter and some Cool Ranch Doritos.