College Life

Tell ALL Story On How Much KASH loves his LIFE!!!

I figure its about time I write a blog again since KASH has been sweating me hard these past couple of weeks.  As some of you may remember my last blog was about how much I hate the Badgers and BO LION.  Well they ended up proving me wrong and making it to the FINAL FOURSOME where they got just got there hearts crushed.  Pretty sure KASH spiked my lemonades because I was actually starting to cheer for the badgers.  Well AnyWays the BADGERS still suck.

Now let’s get to the juicy part.  I don’t think I have ever met a person that loves their life more than KASH.  When I first met KASH he had me laughing practically every second he spoke.  The kid just seeks the attention by using his famous words like greasy, withered, flustered, legend, and so on even ask the rest of the bros.  I also don’t think I have ever gotten more belligerent with anyone else.

Just this last thur KASH walks into Cock N Bull with more swagg than anyone else I have ever seen.  He had hunnies all over him, I thought JOHNNY Fucking Manziel just walked through the door.  He sent me a text before he got there just saying that he was going to have a few dewskies. 10151186_10152059866595642_1173531156673837610_n And of course people are already handing this legend free WCokes.  Next thing I know an hour goes by, 4 WCokes later and a shot of Jamie and this kid is blitzed out of his minda and is the life of the party.

That was just one of the man
y instances KASH took the Bull by the Horns and tore them right off.  KASH also lives for the FUTSAL life, TENNIS life, and SOFTBALL life.  He likes to think hes Ronaldo on the fustal pitch, Federer on the tennis court, and Braun on the softball diamond.  But hey I guess everyone has dreams. hahaha  A couple weeks ago I decide to take KASH on at the tennis court after I havent played for about two years.  I raveged him in the first set and I’ve never seen a kid so flustered in my life.  You would have thought he just visited the devil and came back to earth.  Thats how much fire was in his eyes.  He ended up coming back and blowing me out of the court as if I would have played better not even tryin at all.

However KASH is the BEST FRIEND I could ever have.  Even though he pisses me off sometimes especially when he screens my phone calls.  If you ever want to get a hold of this kid never call him just send him a snap chat.  hahah  Love you Brother!!

This is KASH and I’s SONG That always gets us pumped up for the bull!!!

Be sure to Catch Us Getting WHITE BOY WASTED at the BULL this THUR

 

-Swaggy C

Saturday’s UWGB Softball Tournament Recap

Going for my 2nd blog of the day in an attempt to study and do my papers as little as possible. Fisch is currently to my left in a huge business meeting room after crushing a home cooked meal in the GB cafeteria. $1 coffee’s in the GB Coffee shop will play.

Anyways, i’m going to blog about my day on Saturday, where “We Got The Runs” fought our hearts out to win a championship.

The Morning-

I rolled out of rack at about 9am Saturday morning, not feeling too shabby after taking it easy on the Miller Latte’s the night before, pissed excellence and started to get my baseball clothes/gear ready. Woke up threw on a Red Nike Dri Fit tee, some blue and yellow nike shorts, and grabbed my red and grey Demarini glove, just pimping out my apparrel right off the bat. Look Good, Feel Good, Feel Good, Play Good is a life motto of mine.

The Drive/ Pregame- Listened to a little E.Church, Luke Bryan, Darius Rucker (Wagon Wheel) i’ve yet to meet a person yet who doesn’t sing this song at the top of their lungs when it comes on the radio. Stopped at McDonalds just ravaged a Bacon Egg’n Cheese Biscuit, stopped at the gas station scooped up some Big League Chew, and showed up at the ballpark. My team was there warming up, I introduced myself as K.A.S.H. and told them i’m here to rake the softball all day (hit it hard and far). Was loving the vibe of my teammates, super cool people.

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If you played baseball or softball at all growing up i’m pretty sure you’ve had this stuff. Shit literally is gold in shredded shrands of bubblegum. I used to go through like 2 packs per game in little league.

 

Early Stages of the tournament- We just ravaged the first team we played 16-1 Mando and the bro’s on the other team were getting flustered at us because we were running up the score and just smashing the softball.

2nd game- This is where shit got ugly for our team. We played a pretty solid team and only had 8 players because Davy Crockett had to go run the golf shop, and another bro had to leave for a bit. Our sticks were weak this game and we only scored 4 runs and got our arrrrssssses smoked.

Lunch Time- Losing our game meant we could only lose one more game for the rest of the tourney. I told the team it’s time to “Sack Up” and we were going to win the whole Fckn thing. So we went up to the grill they had going and decided to dabble on some hot dogs and burgers. Fisch crushed a hot dog and kid was an absolute firecracker for the rest of the day, they must’ve soaked the dogs in some whiskey or something, kid was frisky as fuck. I got a greasy cheeseburger that was defected, just flipped all over the grill filled with juice. Run to the field and get ready to run the table.

Middle Games- Pretty simple stuff here. Put in Big League Chew, catch a buzz off it, everybody on the team rakes the softball, we win our next 3 games pretty easy. Fisch was on the pitching mound just deaaaaaalllllllliiiiiinnnnngggggg out there, Clayton Kershaw esq. Our girls were killin out there, so basically we made the ship and had to beat the undefeated time 2 times in the championship to take home the title.

Championship Games- This team was full of superstars who loved their lives. I made a web gem at 1st base that made a few girls squeal out in excitement. We won our first game pretty easily against them, cuz we just smashed the ball and killed it in the field.

No Water/ Dehydration/ Sunburn- They ran out of water, so our whole team was just playing and we’re all thirsty as a dog, just can’t even swallow because it feels like we have a dry towel in our mouth. I look down to see one of the hardest farmer tans i’ve ever had in my life, and some biddie in the stands says my face is getting cooked. At this point I just threw in some more Big League Chew and went on with the games.

The Ship/Celebration- In the 2nd game of the championship we were back and forth trading the lead with the other team, till we broke out one inning and scored a ton of runs. We won and celebrated like we won the World Series (which it basically was)

We got our team pic taken with the tournament bracket in front of us, going to be my cover picture on Facebook for the next year, no doubt about it. Then got our Under Armour UWGB Tees for winning the title, and proceeded to have shower beers and party.

 

Sunburn Update- I’ve been applying aloe vera every half hour to try and get my face in good enough shape to have a few sodas tonight.

School Update: 3 more exams left, going to be grinding in the library hard the next few days, and probably drink an unhealthy amount of alchohol on Thursday night to celebrate being done with school.    Coffee, Big League Chew, Lipsnacks, and country music will play in the library. Will be playing bangers in the library for everyone to hear. 

Honestly listen to this song and try not to sing as loud as you can, just gets me pumped up for summer.

 

I can’t be the only person who thinks it’s a sauna in the library, literally sweating off 5lbs up in this bitch.

Floor 3 of the Cofrin Library is for play, Floor 6 is for grinding. Legooo

Jpaul your pickle you got in and were safe on, on Saturday made me have a weird tingling in my pants. Just practices pickles in the back yard.

Lewandowski aka Scooter Gennett, raaaaakes

 

K.A.S.H.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Things I Hate About Sunburn

Hey guys, it’s K.A.S.H. here, currently sitting up on the 5th floor in a study room sunburnt as fuck and hating life. If you don’t know by now “We Got The Runs” (our softball team for the UWGB intramural tournnament) played 7 games straight and won the ship. Literally the most fun softball tournaments i’ve ever played in my life. But what I didn’t realize is that I’d end up being sunburnt and looking like a damn lobster.

Here are the five things I’m hating most about being sunburnt

1.) Everyone stares at you- I’ve been on campus for 20 minutes and not one person hasn’t just stared at me in the hallway. I feel like I have a fucking dildo hanging off my face or something with some of the looks i’m getting from people. I asked for a private study room in the library and chick at the desk literally stared at me for like 10 seconds. Just getting discriminated against and i’m hating it. 

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2.) Putting on Aloe Vera every 2 seconds- My life has consisted of putting on Aloe Vera every 2 hours to try and subside the burning and redness from this sunburn. It’s a fucking hassle, the lotion feels like i’m dropping an ice cube on my skin, and the skin leaves you feeling greasy. May hire someone to put aloe very on my arms and face all day, just because it’s torture doing it to yourself. If you see me applying Aloe Vera in my study room today, just keep it moving, no need to stare.

3.) Sleeping- At least I don’t have sunburn on my chest or back where you have to sleep shirtless, sitting up because otherwise it feels like your laying on an oven. But even still my arms, neck and face are sunburnt and it just sucks putting your head on your pillow and it feeling 

4.) Everyone asking if I got too much sun or pointing it out- Show up after winning the softball championship at my best friend’s graduation party and 5 people come up to me and ask if I got sunburnt today, does it looking like I got fucking sunburnt or rubbed marinara sauce all over my face? This is getting old as fuck already and it’s been 2 days. Or the biddie at the gas station telling me “oh it looks like you got a little sunburnt today, should’ve wore sunscreen”. First of all thanks for your observation and concern, but I don’t need a 50 year old woman commenting on my sunburn as I try to buy 4 gatorades to flush out the sunburn, and the giants bag of ice i’m going to smear on my face for the night to get rid of the pain.

5.) Farmers Tan- Grew up on a farm so it’s not a huge deal, but I decided to wear a Nike Dri-Fit short sleeve T-shirt and i’m pretty confident everyone in the world can tell where my shirt line ended up. Just walking around wearing 3/4 length sleeve baseball tees until I get my upper arms and biceps tan as well. It would be a power move to rock a sleeveless shirt on campus, just embracing the farmers tan. 

Swaggy C said he’ll blog 2-3 times this week, I will buy his first round of drinks at The Bull if he does this.

Picked up a famous follower yesterday on the Twitter Account

I will probably overdose on whiskey this Thursday at The Bull, because it’s my graduation/going away party there, 1 last time to drink there while still a student. No regrets you guys, no regrets. 

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This is my buddy from high school “Wildlife” kid has “No Regrets” tatooed on his right bicep. Such a guido.

Just dumping Buschski’s down his throat on a pontoon boat, sounds like my upcoming summer plans.

 

K.A.S.H.

 

What Johnny Football and K.A.S.H. Have In Common

So the NFL Draft was last night and the Packers passed up on drafting Johnny Manziel with their pick (smart move, HA HA will ball out on the field no doubt.) But I’m sitting here in the library, hungover off Jamo and Whiskey and I can’t help but see so many similarities between me and Johnny Football. So here goes nothing.

1.) Nicknames- Johnny Football is such a money nickname like seriously, your first name followed by the sport you play shouldn’t be such a dope nickname but it is. Then I look over at myself who took some initials out of his first and last name and compiled it into a pretty tight nickname. Honestly would just have to flip a coin to figure out who’s nickname is better, but either way I don’t even believe half my friend or ppl I see at the Bull even know what my first or last name is. 

2.) We Both Ravage In Sports- So Johnny Football tears it up on the football field versus SEC competition and I was backup quarterback for my high school football team. Not a huge difference in my opinion. He makes 300pound lineman miss, I make people miss my flags in flag football, just another way we’re similar. Fucker throws up the money signs after he scores a touchdown, I do the riverdance or the Gronkowski spike. Kid just balls out on the field, can’t even act like we’re in the same ballpark in this one. I do however RAKE on the softball diamond… “Wake and Rake” kids it’s a lifestyle. 

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Best Touchdown celebration ever??

 

3.) We both enjoy getting belligerent- I enjoy the crap out of going out with my friends and just having a good time, with bottomless W-Cokes and Miller Latte cups, occasionally I will get a little too frisky and do shit I’m not the most proud of but hey it’s something me and Johnny Manziel have in common. I’m just going to share these pics with you and you can decide who’s life is more sick.

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Is that a fucking sparkler in his mouth? Seriously such a power move. Hot blonde on his hip and bro’s having the time of their life partying with him. 

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Johnny is just cooked in this picture, can’t even look up at the camera or stand up straight, such a boss. Can these girls just let the dude breathe for a second instead of dumping champagne down his throat. By the way everytime I drink champagne at weddings they have the rename the dance floor after me because I cut a fuggin rug. I might just walk around the Bull with a bottle of Whiskey like this.

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Ok, this might be my favorite pic of Johnny Football ever, scooby doo costume for halloween and bitties are just flocking to him. A couple of 9.9/10’s on each shoulder will play. This is relatable to when I dressed up as Fred Flinstone or Harry from Dumb and Dumber, pretty much too easy to get girls attention when you rock those outfits. I know what i’m being for Halloween next year, Scooby Doo will play.

4.) We can’t keep our eyes open in pictures- Woke up and i’m pretty flustered with myself, just didn’t put on a good performance in front of the camera for one of our blog readers 21st birthday party, Either was really tired or the Whiskey woudn’t allow my eyes to open. No worries, Johnny Football has this same problem.

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5.) We Both Love Money- So his parents ran a multi-million dollar oil rigging field and I grew up on a farm in Seymour, honestly no big difference. Johnny Football sold his autograph in college to make money, i’d do the same exact thing, seriously if I can get $30,000 dollar in my pocket for signing my name i’d do it too. I love hustling, making money, being entreprenurial, i’ll own my own business one day and be my own boss. Just the way it has to be. 

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Couldn’t find the pic of me sleeping on a bed full of $100 bills but it does exist.

 

5.) Meeting Johnny Football Story Time-

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So me and my buddy were in Indianapolis for the NFL Combine and we see a flock of people sorrounding someone and we find out it’s Johnny Football. I worked my IPhone hard and it went dead as I was getting my camera ready for a selfie with Johnny Manziel. Luckily my buddy had it ready and just as Johnny Football was about to raid the Nike Shoe store he looked up and put on a million dollar smile in this pic with us. Seriously the best pic of my life to date. Dude has so much swag, I cracked a joke and made Johnny Football geek out so that  was pretty tight. As you can see i’m trying to run the Johnny Football hairstyle here. Not as good obvi but it’ll play.

 

The list of similarities between us are endless, gonna cut it off here and do some actual homework.

Stay sweet,

K.A.S.H.

 

5 People Who Fluster Me

Hey guys just sitting here drinking a spotted cow and got flustered out of the blue, so here’s a list of people who fluster me lately.

1.) Justin Bieber & Lil Wayne

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I saw these two guido’s this past weekend during the Floyd Mayweather fight and they flustered the piss out of me. Seriously can the Biebs just get deported or run his car into a ditch. I’ll admit I sing a few of his songs on occasion, but the kid has just become an arrogrant fuck and I hate how he tries to act all hard. He needs to get an asskicking to put him in his place.

Lil Wayne- Has the dude even come out with a banger (Hot Song) in the last 5 years, dude is just irrelevant, walking around drunk off sizzurp and hanging out at skate parks. Trust me I used to love Lil Wayne’s music back in the day, but dude is just tired.

Yes Wayne, you want to fight with a dude and his Mexican click who almost just beat the best boxer in the world. Child Please

 

2.) Todd McShay (Espn NFL Draft Analyst)

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Whenever I see this dude on ESPN chirping about the NFL Draft, I want to throw my cereal bowl at the screen. Dude never played a down of football since pop warner and acts like he knows all the intangibles of a good football player. Piss off bro, just watch ESPN for a day and tell me one ounce of your body likes this guy. Guess how old this guy is….??????

37 years old, damn gotta give him props on his aging there

 

3.) People who bring weird shit to baseball games

I’ve seen so many pictures on the internet of people who are doing other shit that watching the baseball game at a baseball game, just flusters me. Enjoy the scenery around you, order up a miller latte and strike up a convo with the people around you. This is coming for a guy who showers with his IPhone.

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Bitch thinks she’s picasso, hope a foul ball smokes your painting

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Bro is just grinding Facebook at a baseball game. I’m deleting my Facebook by the way. Way too many pregnant bitties posting pics, and people jumping in lakes.

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My God, I could see my mom doing this just grinding groupon or deal chicken looking for deals on vacations and restaraunts.

4.) Starbucks Barista’s

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You’ve heard of tennis elbow — but barista elbow? As the demand for specialty coffee drinks continues to grow — in the United States alone, it’s a $30-billion-a-year business — java slingers are suffering severe injuries. “I grabbed a gallon full of milk and felt a sharp pain in my left wrist,” says Samantha Lino, 23, a former Starbucks barista. “I struggled not to drop it.” 

Oh Boo Fucking Hoo, i worked some withered summer jobs in my day, landscaping jobs where I can’t even walk in my steel toe’s anymore, carting around wheel-barrells full of rocks and this bittie sprained her wrist holding a 2lb milk jug. If you work at Starbucks no offense to you, just flusters me that this chick who slings coffee all day is crying about a little manual labor. I’ll take a Tall Vente French Vanilla, and please don’t spell my name “Kile” 

 

5.) Baseball Coach—

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d52_1399143629

This baseball coach is such a hardo, seriously dude get a fricken grip. Kid is growing his hair out to cut it and give it to cancer patients and you’re going to kick him off the team for it?? This isn’t the fucking New York Yankees where you need to be clean shaven, it’s high school baseball bro. Might wanna pump the breaks on this one coach. Side Story: I got yelled at in Little League for crushing a hot dog in the on-deck circle. Still went out there and raked (hit the shit out of the baseball.)

 

Super flustered right now you guys, going to go finish up this presentation for BCarr’s class tomorrow. Will crack a few jokes and try and beat Fisch’s 98% on it. Kid should just open up his own advertising company.

I do have a little something in store for when I get my diploma.

Going to buy a guitar and learn how to play, so I can play around the bonfire this summer for my friends, prolly just move to Nashville and try and make it Big Time.

Little country tune to nibble on:

 

K.A.S.H.

5 Reasons I Want To Date A College Athlete

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My whole life I’ve had a thing for girls that play sports. If you play sports you’e automatically 2 points hotter in my book. I’ve dated girls that aren’t big into sports, it’s not quite a deal breaker but my god if you play sports I think we’re destined for each other.

The following reasons I want to date an athlete in college are in no particular order, just whatever I think of:

1.) Go to all their games

There’s nothing sexier than a woman in uniform, I don’t care if it’s soccer, basketball, volleyball tennis, they’re all the same and athletes are just smoking hot in their uni’s. I also think it’d be pretty tight to be boyfriend fan guy, where you have season tickets go to every game home and away and just cheer your ass off, while your girlfriend owns other chicks in the sport.

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Not quite sure if i’m ready to be “wears girlfriends jersey to game guy” yet, this is a bold move man, that consequences of doing this could be fatal.

2.) They are in incredible shape- Almost every college athlete, doesn’t matter on what class, size, or position has a banging body. These chicks are working out year round, getting up at 6am and doing insane workout while my dumbass is nursing a hangover or sleeping in because I stayed up too late watching Netflix. These girls have fucking washboard abs and legs for days. This seems like such a shallow reason for me to name but honestly, if she tells you an athlete you can check it off the list as her being in great shape.

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Here’s a pic of U.S Women’s soccer team players Alex Morgan (closer) and Sydney Leroux (with the big boobs) Sydney Leroux is a fucking goddess.

3.) Celebrity that goes with it- Don’t tell me their isn’t a celebrity to who’s dating the dudes on the Men’s Basketball team, I’m pretty sure it goes the same way if you’re dating a girl on any of the athletics teams. I cold go from an average fucking dude on campus, but if I started dating one of the hotties or star players on a athletics team, people will know my name and probably buy me free food, not take my seats in class and do my homework for me. This is how I see it, sports rules the fucking world and it’s the same way at GB. I just imagine going to a game sititng in the stands and people not even knowing my name but just seeing me rocking my girlfriends jersey and coming up to me and introducing themselves. so sweet.

4.) They’re Competitive- There is something that’s phenomenal about a chick who’s got a competitive edge to her. Not only only the field, but off the field, it’s such a game changer when she has that trait about her. Yeah it might start a few minor fights when she beats your ass in FIFA14 or beats your ass in a game of HORSE. Man up and take it, you’ve got yourself a winner.

5.) They probably love watching sports- Football Picture

I guarantee you this couple pictured above is so fucking happy. I’m already jealous of this Justin Bieber looking fuck. If she plays sports, odds are she’ll be down to watch some sports game on tv or if you’ve got a great one even go to games with you. I’m so flustered I haven’t met this chick wearing the #2 jersey above, pretty much a dealbreaker that if a girl can’t stand my passion for sports she needs to go on to the next one. I will sit down and watch the Notebook for a girl too, got a sensitive side to me as well.

 

Feel like I got too personal on this one, but whatever, shit is all true talk.

 

K.A.S.H.

UWGB Confessions

Hey guys sorry for being away for so long.  I was busying bingeing on the entire second season of “House of Cards” over the weekend.  Long story short I should probably go to rehab for my Netflix addiction.  Right now I feel so shaddy as I am desperately trying to write this blog on a school computer in the Cofrin Library.   Now let’s get to some stuff that K.A.S.H and I have been talking about for sometime.

UWGB Confessions

Going on a couple of years, the University of Wisconsin Green-Bay Confessions page has been a big hit around campus.  Now its time for Swaggy C here to shed some light on a few confessions that either get me heated or make me question the amount of dumb asses there are.

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Man there are some horny women around this campus just looking to be pleased. To the girl that wrote this, what a powerful social media move.  As for who ever this Trever guy is, my advice to you is don’t give this girl the pleasure of you performing sexual favors. If a girl is asking that on confessions she is most likely paper bag material.  Unless that’s Trever’s thing, then hats off to him.

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What the Hell is a “struggle snuggle”? Seriously? Do you choke the girl while your snuggling? Or have you downed way to many cheese fries and miller lights, which makes you a fat as lard?  Which means she has to struggle to stay on the bed, since take up all of it.

Family zoned

You got family zoned?  My guess is you were probably drunk off your mind after bingeing on some sodas, as well as depressed as shit.

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The forsure sounds like a smokers comment.  I fricken love listening to pot heads talk, they come up with the craziest shit.   But if this were to really be true you would have a lot more men staring at asses.  Since there would be nothing to look at on top.

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This is probably a gamer comment, or some dumb gullible kid that takes notes on the first day of class.  First off the second “Anchor Man” movie was dumb as hell, and Ron Burgandy isn’t even real.  Secondly get a life then.

Also the people that like and comment on everything, are probably the same people that write all of them.

 

Swaggy C

Sh!t Nobody Says…UWGB edition

So we have been sitting on this gem for quite some time. My roommate and I came up with it sophomore year but never really did anything with it. So without further ado, I introduce our short list of sh!t nobody says at UWGB. And don’t take this too seriously, its just some funny observations we made two years ago all in good fun and ribbing. Enjoy

-I sure do love living in Roy

-Hey everyone, let’s go eat at the grille!!

-Let’s go to After Hours sober tonight!

-Man, the corner store has such reasonable prices.

-You guys wanna go to a party, it’s just a short walk from campus…

-MAC Hall is soooo warm in the winter, why did i wear this sweater

-Let’s go for a swim in the bay

-Erberts and Gerberts never messes up my order…

-There is always something fun to do here on the weekends

-These trad couches are soooo comfortable

-I’m not really a huge Packers fan

That all we got to at the time and never really added more. Hope you found at least one of these funny. Tweet us something you never hear people saying on campus.

–MARS

Asher Roth “I Love College” Breakdown

Hey guys I was inspired for the idea of this blog by a music class i’m taking, where we were asked to think of a song that was a hit with a group of people. So me being the creative person, chose Asher Roth “I Love College”, this song was a banger when I was a Freshman and I swear this is what I thought College was like. I’m going to break down the video/song and let you know if this song is true about being in college.

1.) We do not party in fucking penthouses- Right off the bat Asher has to go and piss  me off because he looks like he’s partying in a 10 million dollar penthouse. Where I come from I was partying in a shitty ass house, where 8 dudes lived, with pizza boxes stacked to the ceiling and beer cases being used as wallpaper. Shit isn’t classy at house parties in college the houses are greasy, the bathroom toilets rarely are clean and the basement is like a fucking dungeon till you throw some christmas lights and light up beer signs up for decoration.

2.) Red Solo Cups- It’s a rule in college that Red Solo Cups are the only thing you can drink alchohol out of in college, don’t try and break that trend, my kids will be drinking out of them so let’s stop the discussion. I’ll never forget first college party I go to everyone is drinking out of a Red Solo, such a Freshy move. Shit’s gotten even more famous here, on Shark Tank.

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Dude invented Red Solo cup with a molded in shot glass in the bottom. I’m so damn flustered at this I started to cry watching it on tv.

3.) I’ve only been to one party with chicks and dudes in their undies- this involved about 6 people and there was tons of Tequila involved. Don’t get your hopes up kids

4.) Beer Pong- I’m going to throw myself under the bus, in college I was “beer pong guy”. Always playing and trying to run the table at every party, just a fascinating game. I even was pathetic enough to use beer pong as a way to get chicks, so many ways, flirting accross the table, me and my buddy play a couple of chicks, and make some tired bet stating that if we win, you have to make out with us. Shit was so amateur hour. P.S.- Bouncing is for liberals and fags

5.) Don’t Pass out with your shoes on- Oh god I could tell you an hours worth of stories on the shit I see when people pass out early at a house party. One of them is one of my buddies got all liquored up and passed out at like 11am and work up with both his eyebrows shaved off. Now this is taking it too far but my God kids let a lesson be learned. Worst i’ve ever had done to me is getting dicks drawn on my face, pictures of dudes asses on my face appearing on Facebook the next day. Bob Costas definetley passed out with his shoes on.

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6.) Supermodel chicks everywhere- There are a lot of good looking girls in college and at house parties, but I can pretty much promise you they won’t be in their panties making out with you or having a fucking pillow fight. Asher turned up a little bit too much in the video.

7.) Wish we taped a party- Yes and No. Yes, because some pretty epic shit does go down when you have 100 college kids packed in a basement like a can of sardines and their binging off Natti Light and Gordons Vodka. About 10% of the parties were so awesome I wished we taped it. On the other hand, I’ve done some pretty stupid shit at parties that I’m class I didn’t have to re-live the next day. Just a bunch of dandies.

8.) The 3 minute mark in this video– is where I get all jacked up and pumped. This song was out when I was a Freshman and everyone in the fucking withered basement would go retarded and just do some epic shit when this part of the song was on. Whenever I hear the words “Freshman, Freshman, do something crazy do something crazy” it makes me want to run through a wall or pound a few Miller Lite’s. Shit is inspiring.

9.) Kegstand- Kegstands fucking ravage, it is something you have to do before you are allowed to get your college diploma. One of the best feelings in the world when you put that tapper to your mouth and your buddies are holding your legs up like a fucking wheelbarrell. I still have the picture from my first one on Facebook, gonna have to delete that shit before I get into the corporate world. If you haven’t done a kegstand yet and you’re in college, message me and we’ll make it happen.

10.) Asher Roth is a living legend- This is the single greatest song about college. He can go to any college town and walk into a house party and be treated like a king. Chicks throwing themselves at them, dudes offering up their best beer which is probably some shitty ass “Hamms Light” and he can live it up. Can I just be Asher Roth at a different college campus every weekend for a year.

So pumped right now, changed my ringtone to this song and watched the video 12 times.

Let’s goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

K.A.S.H.

5 Reasons I’m Quitting Drinking For a Month

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This morning I woke up with a killer headache, stuffed up nose, sore throat, and 3 fat ass cats on my body from sleeping over at my buddies house, and I said, “I gotta quit the sauce for a while”. I don’t even get hammed as much as I used to a few years ago (basically every night) but the hangovers are 10x worse than they were. I’m done rambling here are the 5 reasons why I’m giving up drinking for a month.

1.) Feeling like shit

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Sorry for how fucking huge this picture is. This is a picture of a kid I know who woke up after a bender and he is the definition of the word “Withered”. Dude can’t even keep his eyes open he’s so wrecked, the only reason he’s got that greasy smirk on his face is because someone told him he’d be crushing Chinese food within the next 20 minutes. But seriously from my standpoint, the hangovers are getting out of hand, either i’m drinking enough to kill a herd of cattle or i’m getting old. 

2.) It makes you ffffaaaattttttttt

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This is a pretty standard pregame session here with me and my boys. Drinking from a beer bong that looks like a freaking cow’s utter. This shits just getting old for me at the moment, I need 30 days to refresh and then get back to dumping beer down my throat. There are 96 calories in a Miller LIte, on a normal drinking night I will crush 12-15 of these. That is roughly 1300 calories. This shit is not healthy. But there’s another factor, when i drink till bar close I turn into a lard ass and want to ea a fuggin horse.

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Toppers Pizza is my go-to food after a long night of drinking and this is dangerous. Crushing a pizza and a triple order of Toppers sticks is just an awful life choice and it will make you put on 10-15 lbs eaaaasssyyy. This isn’t even me mentioning the Chinese/ other fatty ass foods you buy to soak up that booze from the night before. I think i’d drop 10 lbs without even working out if I gave up the sauce for 30 days.

3.) Save Money

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If I counted up all the money I spent drinking out at the bars, I’m fairly confident i’d have enough money to buy a used car. I’m not as bad as I was back in the day, but I used to drop a hundy every weekend, now I keep it to like 20-30 a night. Either way, it would be cool to save a few Bennies over the month I took off. My friend has a $2,000 bar tab so I don’t feel like a degenerate one bit. Wcokes and Miller Lites burn a whole in your pockets kids, but damn are they delicous. 

4. I want to prove to myself I can “stay on the wagon”

For those of you who don’t know “on the wagon” means your abstaining from a certain alcohol. This shit would be a real test for me, all the kids I hang out with are real dandies who love crushing beer and i’d be tempted everyday to drink. If i made it a month I’d deserve a fucking medal and a case of beer. I’d be having nightmares of Miller Lite and that sweet nectar being dumped in my mouth, and wake up in a deep sweet and crush a diet coke instead. I would love to see the people who bet that I can’t make it a month without drinking, shit would be funny. I’m getting flustered at the idea of even going a week without those malted Miller Lite hops, but shit needs to be done.

5.) So I can go back to my days of a “Calvin Klein Underwear Model”

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Many of you guys probably don’t know this but my Freshman year I was a Calvin Klein Underwear model at a stout 180lbs, i’d like to get back to those days and making ladies faint. 

 

This is just an awful idea, this sucks and now i’m flustered.

 

K.A.S.H.