Month: March 2016

Ted Thompson: The bozo that costed GB rings

This is Bobby Loves-Biscuits. I am a huge fan of this blog and I asked my fellow chinese eating buffet partner in crime “KASH” to let me write 1 time in his blog. For the few people that actually read this blog, I just moved to Brooklyn NY and I have received zero facebook hate since the end of football season so I decided to write this article. First off I am absolutely cooked right now and could have went home with some fatty that would have made a grilled cheese sandwich off my chest but I decided to do this instead.

Now my Facebook has been flooded the last 2 days about how the Packers signed the best thing since the wheel Jared Cook, and how Marshawn Lynch wanted to be traded to the Packers. So as a die hard Vikings fan let me give you a idea of how much Ted Thompson fucked up. Hopefully at the end of this article your green harded penis’s soften up.

Lets start in with the Sharon Rodgers draft. Great pick but who in Green Bay woke up that morning saying “well I hope we get that skank from California”… None. So when he dropped passed pick 15 everybody in Green Bay was cheering for Sharon… I know because I was at the bar the night after finding out what its like masturbating.

Lets fast forward to the year Teddy T could have made the biggest moves of all time. Trading for my childhood hero Randy Moss. The New England Patriots got Randy for a 4th round pick. A pick that the Packers easily could have given up. But my guess Teddy only offered a 5th but with how much the Raiders gave up for Moss they had to take highest bidder. Now lets be honest here. The 2007 draft was stacked VERY stacked. I actually watched the draft with one of my best friends in Seymour. But 4 rounds deep? Not a chance.

In the 4th round of the 2007 NFL draft Teddy drafted Allen “barbie doll” Barbre. And because Teddy is a fucking bozo in the 5th round guess where he went??? Wide Receiver named David fucking Clowney. Are you fucking kidding me? We all know what Randy did in with the Pats that year, and I am telling you now that same intensity and the fact that Brett Favre finally got his wish… Wow… No way the Giants beat the Packers in the NFC championship game and no AFC comes close to beating that Packers team. From a Vikings fan stand point Teddy refused to trade a 4th round pick for a super bowl ring. Yet I didnt mention the fact he drafted Justin Harrell and passed on a guy named Greg Olson. 2007 draft was a horrible one for Teddy but nobody says anything. Wait should I take that back? the only remaining member of the 2007 draft class for Green Bay is kicker Mason Crosby.

In 2008 Teddy stroke gold with the draft pick of Jordy Nelson. But later in the 2nd round he drafted Brian Brohm. You must have a lot of confidence in Sharon when you take a quarterback in the 2nd round. He however did hit Josh Sitton that draft. I would tell you which round but I am so fucking hammered right now and am currently staring at this girl from chili whose chest I would poop on.

In 2009 Teddy hit the jackpot with Clay Matthews. In which I dont know what is more shocking him falling that far or the fact that he hasn’t been suspended yet for steroid use. Teddy did draft TJ Lang that same draft only after drafting a fucking FULL BACK… Packers didnt even have a running back but draft a fullback Quinn Johnson out of LSU.

Now comes 2010 the year the Packers had a shot at Marshawn Lynch. The Packers had a chance to trade for Marshawn during the season but Teddy T didnt want to fork over what eventually be a 3rd round draft pick. Now GB won the super bowl lets fast forward to the following season when Marshawn was needed. The Pack went 15-1 but 0 running game. In the divisional round the Pack played IMO the only team that would have stopped them based on matchups and that was the Giants. The Giants were +9.5 but had the defensive pressure to hurt Rodgers and thats what happened. The Giants dared the Packers to run that game, and who was the leading rusher that game? Sharon with 66 yards rushing. Are you telling me that would have happened with Marshawn in the backfield?

So let me update for everbody. Teddy T chose David Clowney over Randy Moss and Alex Green over Marshawn Lynch in what should be 2 extra super bowl rings. I know some of you bozos are waiting for me to bring up Charles Woodson, but its not happening it was 1 signing and he won DPOY when Sharon punted the ball to the Cardinals in the playoffs. He was a great signing but that was it. Julius Peppers? He was good the first year and so/so the 2nd year but hes carrying 10 million a year under his belt. I do like the Jared Cook signing but what are you going to do with this draft with so many needs? Look back at all the drafts you have at best 2 maybe 3 guys remaining from the draft class and thats it.

Meanwhile as a Vikings fan we used free agency the way Teddy T should have. We signed mid level free agents who turned into huge signings for us. We didnt make the news when we signed Linval Joseph yet he proved to be the 2nd biggest part of our defense. Or Terrance Newman who recorded 3 picks at age 37 and beat out our 1st round draft pick. The point that Im getting to is that you need to use ALL**** sources to make your team better. Draft yes Free Agency yes (not teddy Ts style) trades yes (not Teddy Ts style) and waiver wire. Look at the Denver Broncos who just won the super bowl. They splashed in FA with the signings of Aqib Talib or Demarcus Ware or Emanuel Sanders or TJ Ward or the starting QB Peyton Manning. They also drafted well but you cant fully rely on that. The Packers got super lucky in 2010 because Sharon just flat out played amazing… no other way around it.

Mike McCarthy was right when the season ended. He hinted the Packers needed to be more active in FA but with Teddy T at the helm good luck. I will give Teddy T 2 more years in GB. When the Vikings do enough damage to the Packers and realize Sharon cant hold the team to himself anymore Teddy T will get pressured to make a move. But with what I shared in the history of Teddy T I doubt he caves. As long as Teddy stays GM for the Packers I will never be scared of them. Theyre are so many mid level FA that could help the Packers but Teddy T is to stupid to see it. Theyre 11 positions on offense and defense. And last I checked the Packers dont have 22 draft picks a year.

Now I know as a Vikings fan Ill get so much shit because you guys won more super bowls than us, but we didnt have the luxury of having 2 hall of fame QBs in what will be almost 3 decades. In the 70s Terry Bradshaw won 4 super bowls, in the 80s Joe Montana won 3 super bowls, in the 90s Troy Aikman won 3 super bowls. And since 2001 Tom Brady has won 4. Yet since 1992 the Packers have had a hall of fame QB with them but only won 2. The second Sharon goes down goes the Packers. Teddy T cant rely just on him but he has and to me he’s the only reason why he has a job.

Again Im so shitfaced during this writing I apologized for the missing words and sentence fragments, but I do hope you understand this.

God Bless,

Bobby Loves-Biscuits/ Turtle Kennedy.

Why Life after College Sucks Part 2

Hang in there you guys, hang in there.

About a year ago i wrote a similar article to this one, the reason i’m doing it is i’ve talked to even more friend who recently graduated and life fucking sucks after college and we can agree on it. Seriously i’ve been out of school for just short of 2 years and i’m ready to call er quits and go pull tits and work on the farm. A few things have changed from the last time I wrote the blog so here goes my list of reasons why life after college sucks.

1.) Your forced to stay at your job till a certain hour

Get there at 8:00am sharp if you roll in at 8:01 with a smile on your face some bitchy ass boss is up your ass, trick i’ll stay 1 minute past my ending time at work ok. Not my fault i’m still going through my bad boy phase and dumping lattes down my gullett, having strange girls stay in my bed and sleeping through the 14 alarms I set for myself. True story this happened the other day, only part I forgot was literally rolling out of the rack, grabbing my car keys and going to work in the same clothes I went out in the night before. Such a grubby move, I smelt like the biddie that I woke up to cuddling, fuggin collick was in full effect, looking like shit, almost passing out at my desk, damnit if it was college i would’ve skipped class. Don’t cage me up and tell me to stay there till 5:00, i’m sitting at the door waiting for the clock to touch 5. Fuck responsibility.

2.) You always second guess yourself

Should I pursue my dream of being a sports broadcaster, make 20 grand, living Wyoming in hopes of being the next Bob Uecker, or do I play it safe, work some fuckig tired ass sales job make 40k and be able to actually put food on the table and do fun things. I legit still haven’t figured it out, it’s so frustrating IDK if i should grind harder or just quit and be an intern and work my way up. Not to mention everyone thinks they’re going to get their dream job out of college to realize the jobs available don’t even take a college degree. I swear I never want to ever look at Indeed.com again or fill out another cover letter

Biddies-

I work at a place where there are 2 girls. One is a 55 year old women who I wouldn’t touch with Swaggy C’s dick, the other is a mid 20’s heifer who always tries to show off skin and sit her arrssss on my desk while I gringe knowing i’ll have to cover for her if he big tush breaks it. Gimmie the days where you see 20 hotties in your class and you can just chirp at them in class projects or shoot them a snapchat. Grad School at Arizona State still is in the cards for me guys.

All your friends are gone

fuck chilling with them during or after class, or going to The Bull, or even living with them. Nope they are all sprinkled throughout Wisconsin or took jobs somewhere else, which leaves you to work your 9-5, maybe do a few planks at the gym, scoop some food and watch the bachellorette then hit the sack and do it all over again. It’s a big deal if you meet someone out for a beer or heaven forbid have them in town to hit a bucks game my god i’m considering getting a dog to be my bestie.

Seeing Other kids in college enjoying it

I just wanna do this to them.

Seriously seeing this kiddos on spring break right now makes me want to vommit, out there crushing Keystone Light at noon, grinding on girls on the beach meanwhile i’m rocking a polo, jeans and drinking coffee with people I hate. Kids going out on weeknights, staying up all night, I legit am stopping to type anymore because it’s depressing.

Everybody hit the sack works coming early in the morning, just miserable absolutley miserable.

KASH

What I’ve learned from living with girls in 1 months time

So those of you who don’t know about a month ago I moved into a house right by UW-Milwaukee with 3 21 year old girls. I’ve had girlfriends along the way, lived with my sister my whole life but nothing has opened my eyes up about women as much as the last month. Here are some things i’ve learned.

1.) Girls are messier than guys

I feel like a fucking neat freak around these girls, walk in the bathroom, hair in the sink and toiled, panties on the floor, curling irons galore, not to mention about 50 pairs of shoes in the living room, making it like a goddamn mouse trap when i’m trying to take a leak in the middle of the night. Tampons in the toiler fucking repulse me, nightmare city.

2.) Selfie’s all day every day

There is always an opportunity for a selfie, just did your hair (selfie), just got a new kitty (selfie) just bought a new bottle of tequila (selfie) I don’t mind it, hell i’ve even taken a few selfies with them, just praying for no selfie of me just fucking sawing logs after drinking about 12 w-cokes some friday night. Hell it’s better than waking up to my old roomie Bobby Loves Biscuits, toxic, moley, acne ass in my face and risking me getting pink eye.

3.) They always bring over friends and give zero fuck

Just realized i sound bitter as fuck at the moment, i like them bringing over girl friends, gives KASH first pic of the litter, come out of the shower rocking a hand towel and a fresh due from the molding cream, chirp at em a bit and make them wonder what it’s like to watch some netflix and hop on my queen sized work bench, just the onces hammered yelling at 3am rattle my cage.

4.) Theres thirsty dudes out there, but these gals know how to play the game-

If we go out to a bar, these gals play it so well, act like their interested in the dude for 30 minutes, minewhile he’s air shipping shots of tequila over to them for free all night, give them 1 dance, maybe a little grind session give the guys a chub and go escape to the bathroom with the other gals.

All in all I wouldn’t trade it for anything, there super cool, every night is an adventure, they get my drunk off tequila (which i despise) on a monday night. But they keep me on my toes, prolly end up wifing one of their friends IMO

 

Peace

KASH

 

Eddie Lacy is getting Shredded from P90X

My man Edward is looking jacked and leaaaan, look at that jaw line. Looks like Lacy has put down the fork, stopped shovelling chinese food down his gullett and got that fat arrrsss in the gym. Here’s the thing Tony Horton is a fucking maniac, he does pushups in his fucking sleep, might be cock pushups but it’s all the same. I did 2 weeks of Insanity and I felt like an 80 year old man, could get out of bed, couldn’t lift my spoon to eat cereal. If Eddie keeps this up he’s gonna be 2 bills and sprinting past linebackers. Seriously the Packers have to bring Tony Horton on as their strength and conditioning coach if this works right? 

 

Pack SB Champs in ’16.. Book it

 

KASH