Month: December 2014

Guy spends $150K to look like Kim Kardashian

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Are you fucking shitting me? I don’t know what pisses me off more, the fact this dude has $150K to spend on such a horrendous plastic surgery or his new face is just insufferable. GTFO with those big ass square eye brows, i hate when biddies do that with their eyebrows, that or when they plug them so pencil thin it looks like they’re stenciled on. I hate where our society is going, this dude myaswell have just went all in and got the fake ass and tatas to go with it.

$20 says this fuck has tasted a penis before

KASH

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Kid Smacks Himself in the Face with a Golf Ball (Video)

I’m in shock and awe of how this is even humanly possible for this to happen. First off kid is a total pickle licker and dolt for how awful his form is, you’re not swinging a fuggin baseball bat bro get it together.

Secondly, i’ve been a case of shitty Buschki Lights deep on a golf course to where i’m seeing 3 golf balls in front of me but never evvvveerrrr have i duffed a ball so bad its bounced back and hit me in my dome. Kid takes notes on the first day of class 100%

I’ve always wanted to go to one of those double decker driving ranges just to hit the tar out of the ball on the upper deck and have the people on the bottom level just shitting themselves at my power, Happy Gilmore Style.

KASH

Girl Does a Turkey Slurpee

Sweet jeeeeesus almighty I don’t know if i’m disgusted, fascinated or turned on by this video. 

This girl has to be a deamon in the sheets sucking a flat piece of turkey up like a vaccuum cleaner like that takes some serious jaw strenght. 

100% sure she can suck a golf ball through a hose

110% sure the dude trying to even get on her level with the Turkey Slurping is a pickle licker, sweet gag reflex brooooooooo

KASH

Jen Selter just made IT move

<blockquote class=”instagram-media” data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version=”4″ style=” background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% – 2px); width:calc(100% – 2px);”><div style=”padding:8px;”> <div style=” background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;”> <div style=” background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;”></div></div> <p style=” margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;”> <a href=”https://instagram.com/p/wpucRjmkax/&#8221; style=” color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;” target=”_top”>#MondayMotivation @squatspo</a></p> <p style=” color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”>Une vidéo publiée par Jen Selter (@jenselter) le <time style=” font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;” datetime=”2014-12-16T03:08:37+00:00″>Déc. 12, 2014 at 7:08 PST</time></p></div></blockquote>
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Well suck me sideways. Jen Selter AKA the girl who Brett Favre sent a dick pic just made it move. I dabble and workout at the gym here and there i’ve never seen that machine that straight makes your asscheeks tight as a drum. My God is she just a big whore and butterfaced, either way i’d give her the best 30 seconds of my life.

KASH

Family Feud Dad is Mr. StealYoGirl

Well cheese and rice, Gene on Family Feud has way more game and way more sex appeal than I do at my spry age. Good old Debby is lookin for a hard dickin’ from Genie boy when she gave him that high 5. 

Guarantee Gene and his 5 inch hearty italian sausage gives Debbie the berries to the max. Genie you sly fucking sailor you, party on.

KASH

Badgers Football Coaching Carousel Thoughts

If you all haven’t heard by now fuckboy Gary Andersen left the Badgers high and dry before their bowl game to join an Oregon State football team that went 5-7 this year and who’s coach miraculously got promoted to the University of Nebraska’s head coach. I’m unsure how the fuck that happened but that’s beside the point. Anyways here are the reasons why I think Gary left….

1.) His assistants weren’t paid enough- I understand Gary’s concern here is that the Badgers Athletic Program wasn’t paying their assistant coaches up to the caliber of the likes of Ohio States and the Alabamas and Oregons of the world, this could hurt him as with success he could lose many of his very good assistant coaches. For example, Badgers defensive coordinator Dave Arranda was getting praise and looks from mid level college football programs to become a head coach of their program, now if the Badgers can give him a big raise he might feel comfortable staying and making a career in Madison.

2.) Admissions were too high- Gary it’s the fucking University of Wisconsin-Madison, half the school is a bunch of fucking foreign or out of state wizards who are smarter than me and my five best friends all combined. We don’t stoop to he level of the Alabama’s and Florida States where they let dudes with a 2nd grade reading level into their school and have them taking coloring and video game classes. We’ve won B10 championships with our academic standards and we’re not going to lower them for you, character and smart win football games too.

3.) He’s Not A “Midwest Guy”- Gary was born in Utah, and coached at Utah State, he’s a west coast guy and I don’t think he ever really felt comfortable here, he isn’t Barry Alvarez or Beilema who love shoving brats and miller lites down their throat he strikes me as a dude who drinks green juice, eats vegan and canatloupe for dinner. GTFO Gary dump some deep fried cheese curds down your gullett and pray your heart keeps ticking. he didn’t appreciate the Badgers fans personality of being friendly and courteous, he wants a cutthroat fan base.

4.) Wisconsin Was a Stepping Stone- Even after his first season as head coach he almost hit and ran for the Cleveland Browns job, that right there showed his true colors and lack of allegiance for the Badgers football program, it’s pretty clear he thought he could do better than Wisconsin, that or he just regretted taking the job in Madison from day 1, either way pretty sad that 2 coaches have left Wisconsin after winning B10 championships. But I give Beilema a bit more credit because their in the biggest powerhouse conference in college football and he can flat out recruit and Arkansas can be turned into a powerhouse. Orergon state on the other hand, they will forever be Oregon’s little brother and whipping boy and be the cream on mediocrity in the Pac-12.

THE REPLACEMENT

Does this look like the type of guy who should be the head coach of the Wisconsin Badgers?? You’re damn right it looks like it. Ladies and Gentleman it looks like Pittsburgh head coach and former Badgers Offensive Coordinator Paul Chryst will become the head coach of the Badgies. 

Reasons why he’ll be good for the program-

1.) He’s the perfect “Wisconsin Guy”- He’s a Madison Native, he was the Badgers QB from 86-88 and has been a coach for them for several years. He’s meat and potatoes, line up 5x 300+ pound white farm boy lineman and ram the ball down your throat 45-50 times a game, mixed in with the occasional play action deep ball to whoever the 1 good receiver the Badgers have each year. He knows the people, the program, the traditions and he’ll have this program in good shape.

2.) Bringing back the Tight End offense- Tight ends every year besides the last 2 years have been studs getting them drafted every year for the last 10 years. Chryst will get the tight ends doing crosses and back in the passing game which will greatly help out the success of the offense.

3.) Our Identity is back- Without Melvin Gordon, Gary Andersen would’ve went probably 7-5 or 6-6 and be on the hot seat, he had not control over this team and no identity for it. Pissing off and lying to Badgie fans about Joel Stave being hurt was a huge mistake from the start, a 2 quarterback system doesn’t work in Madison, neither does trying to run a read option offense. We’ll smash you in the mouth now under Chryst.

On the bright side…. We landed a 4 star Running Back Recruit

http://www.buckys5thquarter.com/2014/12/11/7377849/jordan-stevenson-commits-wisconsin-recruiting-texas

#OnWisconsin

Hewlett Packard with the best response to a dude tweeting a dick pic to them

If you know me you know I want to be a Social Media Strategist/Manager for a company one day, and well HP just dropped a lesson I would’ve had to pay thousands for at College.

hpdick

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Game, Set, Match. Hewlett Packard dropping haymakers on this black dolt. 

Guarantee bro who sent it was thinking he was going to fluster HP’s Social Media Coordinator, nahhhh bro i’m sure they get Dick pics and titties sent to them all the time, absolutely savage move by the HP guy just dropping a virus line on the black hammer. I enjoyed the snot out of it.

KASH

What the VS Fashion Show Taught me about Myself and My Life

Schwing city

I’d like to spin myself up in a cocoon and cuddle the shit out of this washboard ab, big tata’d, legs for days, winged biddies. Cripes is she perfect.

So I was watching the VS Fashion show for about 10 minutes last night, witnessed T-Swift lip sync like a moron, while trying to be as hot as some of the VS Fashion show models and just made me laugh.

Taylor Swift

Sorry tootz, that fake tan and those pushed up chesticles are no match for the VS Smokes. But I 110% still would.

So here are some things I realized from watching the VS Fashion Show

1.) These girls don’t have sex- There is no way any dude is even close to in the league of these girls, not even Channing Tatum, Leo, or Justin Timberlake. These girls are fucking perfect, not an ounce of fat on them, not a physically flaw. There is no way a girl like this is settling for any dude in the world, their not human.

2.) I Need To Diet- I reffed 2 basketball games 7th and 8th grade games last night and almost needed a fucking respirator in between quarters, then proceeded to go HAM on a chicago style chili cheese dog and Hot Italian Beef sandwhich while rinsing it down with a sugar filled Pepsi. I need to be having 3 a days in the gym and eating fucking Kale and Spinach for the next month to even get close to respectable physical shape. What do these girls seriously eat, not even trying to be an asshole, if I took one of these biddies out for dinner i’d be eating my burger and fries and her whole chicken wrap and be looking for a 3rd meal. Side note got a new work bench at my apartment will break er in soon.

3.) I don’t want to have a daughter- Now listen i’m not trying to be an asshole here I swear it, but having a daughter goes down an one of the most terrifying things that could happen to me. Let’s say i outkick my coverage and marry an 8.5/10 lookswise girl, we put on some Sam Hunt and rock the workbench some night and out pops by some miracle a girl who turns into a 10/10 when she’s older, that means I have to watch her scamper around the stage on CBS while millions of dudes bust out their Jergens Lotion. No fucking thanks, give me a boy who I give the sex talk 1 time and buy him a basketball hoop and life is good.

Here’s another reason why…..

4.) My roomates are greasy- Some of the comments made about what my 2 bro roomates would do to the VS models in unrepeatable, just some of the grimiest sexual terms and weird sex ideas ever spit out of mans mouth, Bobby Loves Biscuits *one of my roomates* said he would rub mayonnaise and cocoa butter on one of the models arrrsssssss and lick it off.

5.) My Track Record can’t spit on these girls- I’ve outkicked my coverage on some of the girls i’ve dated or whatever in my life but my god these girls on the VS show are just unrealistic.

Serious question: what percent of the VS Super Model Girls are all natural, I’ll say 12% of them.

KASH

Scientists Want to Make a Formula That Makes Clothes Smell Permanently Like Alchohol

Hey guys i’ve been pretty busy lately, moved to Appleton, threw a banger and have been reffing High School Basketball shit gives me an adrenaline rush. 

Heriot-Watt University’s textile technology experts have helped Harris Tweed Hebrides develop a new textile that will permanently give off the smell of whisky. The ‘smart fabric’ has been developed for Diageo’s Johnnie Walker Black Label and features ‘microencapsulation technology’ in which the University’s School of Textiles & Design has developed considerable expertise. Two years ago, the technology was used in a therapeutic, healthcare context, for a producer of headwear for cancer patients. The new Harris Tweed reflects the colours of the whisky ingredients while the fabric carries a unique scent – named Aqua Alba – designed to replicate aromas released from a glass of whisky, known as the nose of the liquid.

Heriot-Watt’s textile experts have helped to develop a process that allowed the scent to be layered into the fabric throughout the finishing process, so that it is permanently imbued in the tweed. The chairman of Harris Tweed Hebrides, former UK Trade Minister, Brian Wilson, said “This is a very natural partnership of two great Scottish brands with input from one of our cutting-edge academic centres. The more of these partnerships we can promote, the better for the Scottish economy.The early indications are that the finished products are creating a high level of interest in the target markets.”

Don’t get me wrong I love shoveling W-Cokes down my throat and believe that Whiskey carries a prestigous aroma but by no means do I ever want a shirt that smells like straight Whiskey, why you ask? That’s because i’d say about only 20% of girls actually really like Whiskey, while the rest are absolutley repulsed by it. Here’s an idea i’ll just start selling my shirts that I wore out the night before at The Bull, where I was so pie eyed that I was spilling Whiskey all over the place like a fucking championship team spraying champagne all over the place. I mean that sounds like a win-win situation for both KASH and the t-shirt manufacturing company, fuck it i’ll throw in some taco bell gordida crunch stain on the shirt to add some character. 

I do however have a million dollar idea, permanent cologne smelling t-shirts, I swear if I could buy a $50 hoodie that smelt like Aqua di giorgio armani instead of spending $100 a pop on a bottle of that sex that’d be very economical. Shit’ll probably be on Shark Tank next week, because that’s how all my ideas are a day late and a dollar short.

P.S. To the dudes you’re welcome for the tip on the giorgio di armani, biddies will come up to talk to you just to smell you. Straight intoxicating.

Damn it feels good to be back on the blogging grind.

KASH