My Least Favorite Stores To Shop At In The Fox River Mall

I’m on a blogging rampage here tonight, by the way i’ve been in the gym and Im gonna be yolked at fuck in a month or two so ladies just wait for a little 6 pack eye candy in the future. Anyways I went to the mall today and realized there are a few places i’ll never step foot in and there are legit reasons why. So let’s shoot.

1.) The Buckle- I have a confession to make… I did shop here when I was a senior in high school and 1st year of college because I thought it was the cool thing to do. I mean $100 pairs of jeans, $45 affilction and cross and sword tees, sick seashell necklaces, and a swirly,sparky horeshoe designs on your jeans. No. Fucking. Thank. You.

This isn’t even mentioning the second you walk in the store you get flocked on by a salesperson who wants to point you to a bunch of shitty clothing that isn’t your style, no bro I don’t want to wear a bright orange shirt with some ass tight skinny jeans. Also another pro tip from me: Never ever try on clothing in the dressing room because your boy Jared will throw 10 pairs of jeans and 13 tee shirts over the changing room door and swear you how you fit. Which I just say I tried them on and they didn’t fit. Fuck the Buckle

2.) Express- If I need a nice dress shirt I may go here, but every since I tried on a pair of jeans 3 years ago and the guy said I had a “cute butt” i’ve had to pass on ever stepping foot in the place.

3.)  Hollister/Abercrombie/Aeropostale

Hollister wants to be have a beach vibe in California, well guess what your fucking swan on your shirts and stinky ass cologne will not play for K.A.S.H. ever. Did rock it in high school though.

hollister-jackets-for-boys

Abercrombie- Overpriced, jeans are ripped to shit, if i want to buy a pair of ripped ass jeans I’ll go down to the my barn jeans I wore on the farm my whole life, I will say they do have some good smelling cologne at times which i’ll order online so I don’t take the risk of being spotted shopping there. By the way Crombie offered me a modeling gig back in high school and I just laughed and shredded the letter.

abercrombie-and-fitch-590x4181

Is that Swaggy C????

Mix in an ab workout bro

Aeorpostale- The store is for peasants, cheap ass clothing, such a knockoff brand of Abercrombie and Hollister it makes me sick. Aero on the front of the chest is just dumb as fuck, sounds like a fucking astronaut brand. Prediction: Aeropostale will be out of business in under 5 years.

4.) Victoria’s Secret- Unless i’m buying something with my girlfriend who is physically with me and holding my hand like i’m her 5 year old child i’m not stepping foot in the joint. Fucking smokes working there asking you why you’re in the store, what kind of panties your girlfriend wears is just unsettling to me, I did hear they have some dope ass Packer and Badger hoodies. 20140707-sport-sub-pants

Would however buy about 8 pairs of yoga pants for my girl, holy fuck. Booty be popppppppin

5.) Kiosks-

Seriously I will never buy anything from the piece of shit kiosks in the middle of the mall. Hell I can’t even make eye contact with someone because they’ll ask me if they can have a few minutes of time to massage my hamstrings, get my cell phone information or have me try on some instant tanning lotion that smells like butter. Everything is cheap, flashy and just flat our busted as fuck.

The one place K.A.S.H. will not eat at the Fox River Mall is…………….

mcdougles

Mcdougles

Place is greasy, meat is made of leftover cow particles, but their fries are money and their $1 powerades are the steal of the century. It’s not that I hate McDonalds because I probably eat it once a month, but odds are my ass is going to dive into some Sarku Japan (Double Meat) or some Rocky Roccoco’s. Super Slices will play.

K.A.S.H.

 

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