Month: June 2014

The Biggest Boss Ever… Dan Bilzerian

This isn’t much of a blog, just me showing you theeeee biggest boss in the whole United States. 

His name is Dan Bilzerian he is a 34 year old venture capitalist/ millionaire.

Was kicked out of the NAVY SEAL training 2 days before graduation

Had 2 heart attacks by the age of 30.

Hangs out with like 20 women at a time, rides in the fastest cars ever and shoots guns like a badass. Just watch these videos, I promise they aren’t a waste of time.

 

 

 

Pretty sure this blog made me more depressed than ever. Going to go crawl in a hole now.

 

K.A.S.H.

 

 

Advertisements

USA Soccer Game Tomorrow So Jacked!

Hey guys, the World Cup is heating up, i’m currently watch Germany suck it up early in the game here vs. Algeria. Algeria has been slinging balls at the keeper early, look out Germans. Anyways enough about that shitty team, let’s talk about tomorrow’s matchup USA vs. Belgium. It’s at 3:00 tomorrow so take off work, call in sick, fake an injury whatever you have to do because this game is going to be intense, can’t miss it.

Tell me you didn’t get the fucking goosebumps after watching this video, simply incredible. Getting a little dusty in here you guys, I love videos like this!

I’m predicting Altidore starts tomorrow and gets a goal, Dempseys nose will look more crooked than KASH’s after the softbal incident.

Here’s a few videos that are why I love USA Soccer.

https://v.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/FB166E1DEA1094006429633085440_240a0c82bfe.0.4.16214109669563309317.mp4?versionId=q1BLYp.AobBSGhQ.ddjTwHc.yjTPhT5W

Chick is just luscious, my god.

You motoboatin’ son of a bitch, you old sailor you! Very sneaky but well played considering the moment.

 

No one will be cheering harder for Belgium to win tomorrow more than Landon Donovan

 

Tell me this shirt isn’t dope, just bought mine.

I Believe That We Will Win

 

I Believe That We Will Win

Let’s goooooooooo Yanks! USA USA!

 

K.A.S.H.

 

 

 

Milwaukee Bucks 2014 Draft Breakdown and Thoughts

Hey guys coming at you from a different type of blog here, sports is my biggest passion in life and I love college hoops, so the NBA draft last night was heaven when people where  like “Who the fuck is Elfrid Payton” last night when he was drafted at #10 overall and sadly I watched a greasy live steam of like 7 of his college games at UL-Lafayette. Anway here’s my thoughts on the Bucks draft picks from last night.

 

1st Round (2nd overall pick) 

JABARI PARKER

parker

Dude gets buckets, averaged 19 Points per game at Duke last year as a freshman. Kid is 19 years old and is a pretty polished product. Will play Power Forward and Small Forward as well as provide some scoring for the Bucks this season, which they need desperately. So stoked he dropped to us at #2 because I preferred him over Wiggins, I wasn’t impressed with Wiggins at all last season at Kansas. What i’m most pumped about is that Parker wanted to go to the Bucks out of all the NBA teams, because he’s a Chicago resident.

        

Is it me or does Jabari’s dad look like former Milwaukee Buck Jabari Parker

I love this Google Hangout with Jabari Parker, where was I during this video session. I’d be sitting there in my Kenneth Cole’s crushing a Miller Latte chatting it up with Jabari. The question I would ask Jabari is “are you going to steal Andrew Wiggins girl?”

Here she is…

     

2nd Round Pick (31st Overall)

Damien Inglis (Small Forward) *Roanne France*

I told my buddies when this pick came up the Bucks won’t take a Cle’anthony Early from Wichita State but they will take an international player, classic Bucks. I’ve never heard of this guy but seeing his highlights he looks pretty good, can’t shoot the 3, has a long wingspan and looks super athletic. Felt like a little bit of a reach with the first pick of the 2nd round.

Kid just turned 19 years old, so it will probably be 2 years or so before you even see him in Milwaukee, but the Bucks saw something they like in him drafting him early, let’s cross our fingers and hope this kid doesn’t turn out like a flop and live in France the rest of his life.

2nd Round Pick (36th overall)

Johnny O”Bryant (Power Forward) LSU

6’9 257 lbs. What a fucking tractor this guy is. This guy is going to be a banger inside, just grabbing rebounds and swatting shots like it’s what he was born to do. I see him as a role player who averages 6PPG and 10 Rebounds per game, decent pick to add to the team but not going to be a gamechanger. I’d be the guy trying to box Johnny out at practice just to have him jump over me and dunk on me, just tee-bagging me and having it made into a poster.

Just crushing souls and dreams with that dunk.

 

Overall I like the draft, we have the for sure star Jabari Parker, the project with tons of potential in Damien Inglis, and the role player and physical banger Johnny O’Bryant.

Mallory Edens

 

Sup babe, this is the owners daughter and I have the biggest crush on her. She’s a bit skinny but give her a year hanging out with KASH and we’ll throw a good 10lbs on her just crushing steak and shrimp. She does seem a little high maintenance but i’ll put up with it if I get to see her naked in return. MOMMMMMMMMY

 

#BUCKSIN2015

that’s the motto baby, let’s get it trending. Bucks going to the ship in 2015.

 

K.A.S.H.

Picking Up Girls In A Lamborghini Without Talking

Ok this video flusters the hell out of me, dude just has random girls hopping in his card because he drives a $150,000 dollar car. This just shows you could look like you got hit in the face with a shovel and still get smoking hot girls. Love how every girl is so hesitant at first, but just think about how baller they’ll look rolling around in a Lambo so they get in with a complete stranger. Not going to judge any girls. But I don’t think if I rolled up in my Toyota Corolla girls would be chomping at the bit to get in and let KASH give them a ride around the block.

May do a UWGB version of this just lease a Lambo and pull up to girls on campus outside of MAC or the Kress Center and then take them out to eat at Taco Bell. 

By the way a girl on my Facebook timeline has now posted a seflie of herself at work 9 days in a row. 1 more day and you’re getting unfriended tootz, no one likes a hero. 

THIS RIGHT HERE IS MY NEW LAMBOOOOOOOOOO

K.A.S.H.

 

Popcorn

https://mtc.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/0E064687421093042135151886336_1403575685049a799b1e182.mp4.mp4?versionId=QNgRniPAC8oUzRLq9vLvlIBuod2b2XSD

I love popcorn but this kid is just a savage, showing that he gives zero fucks to whoever around him is judging him by his popcorn kernels just chillin on his jacket. Just inspecting this video it looks like the kid is about to throw up from eating a whole bucket of popcorn, but know dude is a champ and throws back another handful. So much respect for him.

Love that technique that he’s rocking, grab a handful and just shove it in your mouth till you can’t fit anymore. Textbook popcorn eating style. Haters gonna hate bro you keep chomping on that corn. No doubt about it, this kid asks for “extra butter” and stares at the person at the movies until he’s satisfied with the 2 sticks of butter that she dumped on the popcorn. 

I want to throw back beers with this guy sometime SOOOOOOOON.

Just bonging popcorn bags until you can’t breathe anymore, keep it up playboy, takes a man to do that job.

You know he didn’t wash his face before bed either, zits for daaaaaaayyyyyzzzzzz

 

K.A.S.H.

President Obama Violating Chipotle Rules

 

Saw this picture below of President Obama committing the cardinal rule at Chipotle or any burrito place. Don’t lean over the sneezeglass.

Screen Shot 2014-06-23 at 9.13.45 PM

Only one time in my life did I have to be told not to lean on or reach over the sneezeglass and I will never do it again. That is the Chipotle servers territory and what keeps the meat from some greasy dude’s beard hair falling in that delicious meat. Then you got Mr. Fucking President leaning over just touching all the different meats to see the texture of them, and showing no regard for the rules. I”m super flustered by the gall and balls he is showing here by doing this. 

P.S. I went to qdoba today and absolutley devoured a Chicken Queso Burrito. I could fucking shower in queso, I love it so much.

Will blog and break down which burrito powerhouse I like more, Qdoba or Chipotle.

 

Tips for first time customers at Qdoba or Chipotle.

1.) smile and be super friendly to the person who is scooping the ingredients for your burrito.—- I once had to flirt with a nasty chick and give her a wink, but he had to of put a good 3 scoops on that burriot. Pure exstacy and i’d do it again.

2.) ask for a little steak and a little chicken, they’ll give you a scoop of both.

3.) ALWAYS GET QUESO

4.) Never buy a soda here- $2.20 for a soda is a crock of shit, get that little water cup and refill about 10x , thing is like fucking 4 ounces.

5.) I could go for days coaching you guys up on this.

 

Impressive stuff but this guy is a toolbox and a half. His voice just pisses me off. 

Pump the breaks on the bench press bro, there is such a thing as being TOO BIG.

I caught myself hoping he’d choke on a big clump of steak midway through enhaling that burrito, maybe next time.

 

K.A.S.H.

“The Situation” Arrested At Tanning Salon

http://www.tmz.com/2014/06/17/mike-the-situation-sorrentino-arrested-fight-tanning-salon/

You guys remember when we used to watch Jersey Shore every Thursday night, with our tight Affliction tees and girls with their poofs and skanky outfits? Seems like forever ago, and luckily most of the cast became irrelavent after their 15 minutes of fame but the good ole “Situation” is making himself known in the news again.

So him and his brother got arrested for fighting in the Situation’s tanning salon, if you would’ve asked me the one place The Situation would’ve been arrested I would’ve blurted out Tanning Salon so fast. 

I can’t imagine how creepy he gets when a good looking Jersey broad walks in to go tanning, no doubt about it he has camera’s in the tanning beds. 

Random Observations—–

The Situation looks absoloutley withered and aged in these pictures, I guess that’s what 10 years of boozing every single night of the week does for you. Seriously makes me never want to touch another drop of liquor in my life if i’m going to look 50 years old when i’m 30.

His Hair- Can’t believe that lettuce ever caught on, but the buzz cut with a greasy guido style on top needs to go forever.

0617-the-situtation-inj-leaving-jail-wm-splash-02

I realize those dudes work out every day on the show, but holy fuck Big Mike, lay off the needle for a while, you know he has chicken legs and is just top heavy. I wondering how big Ronnie’s arms are since the last episode i’ve seen? Bigger than a Truck tire?? Jesus.

P.S.- I made “Ron Ron” juice back in the day, shit was attrocious.

IT’S T-SHIRT TIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEEE- take a shower put on a tight shirt with crosses, spears and arrows, and every bro in my apartment yelled this out. Kinda makes me want to shed a tear.

The Cabs Are Heeeeere! – Used to yell this all the time just as we were going out

Smush Room- We had one at our apartment, it was used very sparingly compared to the bro’s on Jersey Shore. 

 

Just crushed a bunch of Jersey Shore YouTube videos, might be worth watching all the seasons again. 

 

K.A.S.H.

 

My New Man Crush

Hey guys if you aren’t watching the Brewer game, Johnathan Lucroy just hit the piss out of the baseball for a Grand Slam, this after the DBags (DBacks) Pitcher threw behind Ryan Bruan, then proceeded to hit him in the back the next pitch, only to have his manager fist bump him after he was ejected. What a bunch of pathetic losers. Anyways this ties into who my new Man Crush is……

Jonathan Lucroy

Dude looks like your average fucking Joe, but the dude is just raking the shit out of the baseball at the moment and just seems like a stand up dude who would be down to have a few too many beers while having a cookout.

His wife will play, nice little set of Yugs on her, and the leather pants… MOMMMMMMY! Look at Luc though, 5’oclock shadow, little shit grin on his face, slicked back hair, flannell shirt, and you know that’s a W-Coke sitting there in his cup holder. All-American Southern Boy there.

Side Story: He was injured in 2012 for 4-6 weeks after slipping on his wife’s suitcase in a hotel and had to undergo surgery on his hand.

His Twitter game is sick–

Luc’s twitter game is fresher and more on point that K.A.S.H.’s. He is always clowning around on Twitter, taking funny pics of his teammates, selfies upladed 5 minutes after the game, seriously his game is a solid A- on Twitter. Give him a follow https://twitter.com/JLucroy20

Just go follow him, so money.

Blue Collar- 

Never swinging his dick when he hits a bomb off a pitcher, takes hits to the facemask 162 games a year, would tackle a hitter if they ever charged the mound on one of his pitchers, Unsung hero, does his job every day without any recognition, fucking love him. Guarantee he works on the farm in Louisiana in the offseason.

 

.

I will be purchasing a Lucroy jersey this week. Great buy

 

-K.A.S.H.

 

Why I’m Officially “All In” on Soccer

So the World Cup started last week and i’ve been glued to my couch watching every fucking game on the tube. Seriously Iran vs. Nigeria 0-0 game, count my dumbass in, i’ll watch 90 minutes of straight kicking the ball and no goals. But either way if you saw the United States game last night you have to have Soccer fever. I’m All In for the next month on watching this shit and risking a heart attack every United States game because it’s so stressful. Anyways here are the reasons why i’m “All In” on Soccer.

1.) The National Anthem- 

Whole team lined up before the game singing the national anthem in a line is just incredible to watch. Hey Landon Donovan would it kill ya to move your lips during the national anthem? At least mix in some fake lip movements that we all do in church during a hymn. The other countries get wayyyy more into it, just singing at the top of their lungs like they’re in a fucking opera. Gives me chills

2.) The Fans

Tell me that commercial and chant doesn’t make you want to run through a brick wall or just crush a workout at Anytime Fitness.

I like to think I get pretty intense at Packers games, yelling like a madman after I’m 15 Miller Latte’s deep. 3 down and 2, you bet your ass i’m willing to lose my voice over that shit to see Colin Kaepernick take a dump and throw an interception. But soccer fans take it to a whole another level, these fans are insane, flags draped around their back, crazy costumes, some of the best chants you’ll ever hear, and they yell for 90 minutes straight. It’s their fuggin job, and I love it.

P.S.- I will go to a soccer game in Europe and party with these Hooligans.

3.) The Buildup of a goal

I still might have to side with hockey as the better buildup and feeling when a goal is scored, but soccer is a close second. A corner kick and a dude heads it in, someone slings a shot from far out and it bends in the goal. Just has you sitting there for 90 minutes holding your nuts praying your team scores, or the other team misses a goal by a whisker. Not to mention the celebrations when someone scores a goal. Just 12 dudes piling on top of each other in joy. 

4.) The Announcers-

Just watch a whole game and tell me it doesn’t trump the shit out of any other announcer in any sports. That English accents, the yelling of “GOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLL” for 30 seconds straight till they run out of breath. I fuggin love the passion.

 

5.) Biddies

Seriously every pro soccer player is dating a 12/10. Girls are all unbelieveable super model smokeshows. I don’t know what it is about a soccer player but the girls seriously flock to them. Here’s Brazil star player Neymar’s girlfriend. Just unreal**

http://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/super-page/im-not-a-world-cup-guy-but-is-neymar-kidding-me-with-this-girlfriend/

 

A few things I don’t like about soccer—-

Player flopping like they were shot by a sniper to get calls

Coaches from other countries being able to coach other countries. (Dude from England coaching Japan, just flusters me and ruins the patriotism. 

 

Random Thoughts—-

Broke my nose sliding face first into 2nd base at softball on Sunday night, dude’s knee cap just crushed my nose.

#OperationHardBody is in full effect for me, eating healthy, abstaining from Miller Lites and Fast Food. So please if you’re my friend don’t temp me with any greasy ass foods or try to convince me to go on a bender of drinking this weekend.

Also we need a couple girls for a Co-Ed softball tournament this Saturday, if you want to play we’d love to have you on the team.

 

K.A.S.H.

What I Love and Hate about Golf

Hey guys, K.A.S.H. here, i’m about to go hit 9 with a few buddies today in a few hours, so I thought i’d share what I love and hate about the experience of golfing. I’ve been out golfing 3 times this summer and have mixed feelings on it. So here’s what I hate and love about the game of golf.

What I LOVE about golf

1.) Drinking Beer/Smoking Cigars- I’m going to come clean on this one, I’m the guy who stuffs a 6-pack in his golf back before he goes out golfing. Hit a shitty drive on the first tee, crack open a Miller Latte and pray the sweet liquid nectar does the trick. Of course by hole 4 all the beers are piss warm, but you just nut up and drink it like a champ. Cigars I only bust out on bachelor parties, just feel like such a bauce (boss). 

2.) Good Time to Hang & Drink With Friends- Nothing like a little heart-to-heart with your best friend while waiting to tee off and your both in the golf cart with beer in hand. Also a good time to joke around and have fun with everyone. Probably top 5 places to just hang out and shoot the shit with everyone.

3.) Driving the Golf Cart- I know i’m not the only one who thinks he’s fucking Dale Earnhardt Jr. out there on the course driving that golf cart at 10MPH. Couple of vereran tips i’ll give for golf cart driving moves.

– when the course is a little wet, drive full speed and slam on the breaks, you will whip around in a cirlce, such a sick move.

– Racing the other people in your group to the next hole, bumping, ramming using your foot thinking it will speed up your golf cart speed all are acceptable in order to win this race.

– Word from the wise, don’t try driving the golf cart through the sand trap

4.) Golf Cart Girl- Nothing better than seeing Golf Cart Girl in the distance when you need a beer, it’s like an angel sent form God. She rolls up looking all cute and stuff, and you’re obligated to buy something in my opinion. I don’t care if I have 2 Miller Lattes cracked open already, you bet your ass i’m buying a drink from Golf Cart Girl. Always tip your golf cart girls well fellas. I haven’t been getting ID’d by golf cart girl since 17 years old.

5.) Hitting that one good shot- You line up a ball on the tee box perfectly with your TaylorMade Burner Driver and smoke it 250ft right down the middle and you get a boner. Everyone is telling you how great a shot it was and just giving you a BJ. You chip one in from 50 feet away and do a swan dive into the lake, hitting a shot like this will make you come back from another round no matter how shitty you were shooting before that point. I’d almost make a case to say hitting a shot like this is almost equal to set.

6.) Catching Rays- Bro Tanks are the only play on the golf course, unless you’re with your father-in-law or business clients.

 

What I hate about Golf—

1.) Losing/Buying Golf Balls- My drive shanks to the right every fucking time, doesn’t matter how I line up. I expect to lose a ball for every hole I golf, just standard procedure. Nothing worse than going golfing spur of the moment to realize you have 3 balls in your bag and you don’t want to buy any from the clubhouse because they bend you over for a 6 pack of balls. Many times have I had to go back to the Clubhouse because I ran out of golf balls midway through the round. Just makes you look like a peasant roling up on hole 4 buying more range balls to hit around into the weeds.

2.) Slow Golfers in front of you/ The group who’s on your ass- I’m by no means a fast golfer or someone who rushes while golfing but is there anything worse than Grandpa Jerry and Grandma Phyllis just hacking up there hitting the ball 30 feet while walking the whole round of golf. Not to mention giving each other a smooch in between holes, just chaps my ass. Myswell take a fuggin nap while you’re waiting for them to finish that par 5.

Golfers on your ass- These guido’s played in high school and are hitting every ball perfectly, and to your luck they are playing behind you. You hit your drive and are about to hit your 2nd shot, and they are already teeing off hitting their ball further than yours. I’ve almost legit almost gotten smoked in the head from one of these assholes who tee’d off on our hold. Just leave behind a Miller Latte can and a note telling them to fucking LAX! (Relax)

3.) It’s Frustrating- For the average round of golf I play I’d say I drop a good 100+ F-Bombs. Hit the clump of dirt farther than the ball, Seriously want to walk off the course halfway through a round everytime I golf, that or throw my 7iron in the pond.

4.) Teeing off in front of people/guy who gives you tips- Nothing worse than a group of pro golfers rolling up behind you to add some pressure when you’re about to tee off. Hit a shitty drive, make a joke about how bad you are at golf and hope to God they don’t judge you. Also hate the bro who rolls up after seeing me shoot, giving me golf tips and trying to perfect my swing. 

There is plenty more stuff I hate, i’ll tweet it out on the course today. Gotta run

I will be watching Happy GIlmore in the near future

Also taking snapchats of people while people are hitting and seeing them swear like a sailor when they biff a shot is priceless, MyStory’s for daayyysss

Also i’m starting my own business in the next few months, Going to be on a fucking yacht 

Country Song Banger of the week- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejgMcq__Yhk

 

K.A.S.H.