Month: April 2014

‘Bama Bro Studying For Finals Gives Zero Fucks

Stumbled on this pic today.

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LOVE this bro’s style.  If you’re not studying for Finals shirtless and slugging a brew in the middle of the library you’re doing college completely wrong.  Study on playa!

P.S. If you need me I’ll be in Mary Ann Cofrin Library in nothing but my Calvin Klein’s, chugging a Miller Latte and studying for Nutrition class.

 

K.A.S.H.

11 Types of People I Hate At The Gym

Hey guys, i’ve been waiting on writing this one for a while, but i’ve spent a decent amount of time at the gym in the last month and dropped 10lbs feeling fucking fresh, anyways there are some people at the gym who severely fluster me and here they are.

1.) The person who wants to have a conversation- Earbuds=trying to work out, not trying to catch up and have a cup of fucking coffee near the treadmill. I go to the water fountain and some kid from my Psychology class who spotted me across the gym sprints over to talk to me about class, just not my thing to sit and chat while I’m trying to melt the fat off my body. I’m obvi too nice of a guy to completely blow this guy off, but just give me a head nod and keep it moving.

2.) The guy who grunts and yells while lifting- Bro the last thing I want to hear when i’m doing the rowing machine upstairs is your meaty ass grunting like you’re doing a chick doggystyle. One, you’re throwing off my rowing rhythm, two I should never have to hear these noises unless it’s from a girl. I don’t give a fuck if you just killed your last rep on the bench press, and you’re high fiving your boys, go workout in your mom’s basement if you want to yell. God I hate this guy who yells “Let’s get it” after dropping his weights on the floor. 

3.) Guy who tries to pick up girls at the gym- I get it, there are tons of cuties at the gym. Ok, the majority don’t want to be hit on while they’re working out, also it shows you’ve been staring at her ass in her booty shorts while she ran on the treadmill for the last half-hour. I used to think picking up girls at the gym would be such a great idea, maybe a casual convo on the way out if you bump into each other on the way to your car. Otherwise keep it cool, do your work and she’ll notice you. If I see a guy try and pull a number at the water fountain i’ll assume you’re a toolbox

4.) The person who stares at themselves in the mirror- Bro I know your arms are the size of a rocky mountain boulder and that’s cool. But if I catch you flexin’ in the mirror or even giving a sudtle bicep kiss, I will proceed to flip you off in the mirror. I remember at UW-Oshkosh bro rolled up with 75lb dumbbells and starting flexing his pecs in the mirror. Such a frat move. 

5.) Milk Jug Guy- We’ve all seen the bro with his grippy gloves and sunglasses on at the gym carrying around a gallon milk jug full of water at the gym. I sincerely hate this guy, if you want to carry a protein shaker I guess that’s acceptable but when I see dude bust out the water jug for a drink and spill half of it on the workout machine I just want to punch him in the face.

6.) People who update their status about how great their workout went- Before, During, After. I’m proud of you for working out, but I swear this girl on my Facebook, write’s about how her workout went every night in about 3 paragraphs and I may have to call her out on it. “Killed it at the gym today, did 30 mins. on the treadmill, did 10 mins of abs and crushed the eliptical #Motivated”           My Reaction—- #NobodyGivesAShit

7.) External Speakers on IPod guy- Bro didn’t drop 8bucks on a pair of earbuds and now we’re all dealing with hearing him bring his tunes with him everywhere he walks in the gym. “Kanye West- Stronger” used to be a banger I know dude, but I’m not feeling hearing it over my Florida Georgia Line.*** Not sure why, but I workout better to country music*****

8.) People who one up me at the gym- You just crush 45lb dumbells, feeling like the Fucking Hulk. Until some gorilla rolls up next to you with a couple of 100pounders, this is just depressing and an asshole move by this dude. 

Treadmill: Is there any worse feeling than hopping on the treadmill to run a few miles, and you’re ready to get off until you realize the people on the treadmills beside you are still running and were on it 10 minutes before you. I’ll probably die of exhaustion one day because my ego won’t let me get off the treadmill until they get off theirs.

9.) Naked locker room guy- Girls, not sure how it is for you guys in the locker room. But a typical encounter for me is seeing some shribbled up 50 year olds package because he’s married and doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks. Just so many awkward situations in a men’s locker room after a workout, just full blown hangout sessions between dudes butt ass naked. Just not my cup of tea personally.

10) Sweaty fuck- Dude is just dripping sweat, he’s killing it at the gym, but his white cotton shirt he wore to the gym, now looks like he’s competing in a wet t-shirt contest. He’s just throwing his sweaty back all over every piece of equipment in the place and you try to follow up but it’s like the dude gobbered butter all over the machine. This guy sucks, i’m always the dude wiping off the machine I just used.

11.) PDA Gym Couple- Story time: I was working out at Anytime Fitness, when I saw a girl doing squats with her boyfriend squating right with her. I swear I thought I was seeing some new type of sex position, just too much PDA for someone like me. If i’m working out with my girlfriend i’ll maybe give her a little friendly ass tap telling her to keep up the good work, but i’m not about to do the fucking swing together on a machine. 

 

Random Thoughts—-

2 weeks of hell is upon us at school, so much homework it pisses me off

Will be dabbling at The Bull this Thursday night after my week off

Thinking about having a “FarmFunkle” out on the farm in Seymour, i’m talking a banger party out in the country. Big things you guys, big things.

 

Neeeeeeeed sleep so NyQuil will play tonight.

 

-K.A.S.H.

 

 

 

My Night Out In Downtown Appleton

Hey guys, I currently feel like a bag of dicks at the moment, just a state of emergency over here. Tons of homework to do for tomorrow and i’m running on like 3 hours of sleep, so I figured the smartest thing to do was blog. I decided to get away from Green Bay for the weekend, for a change of pace and i’m paying for it this morning. Here’s a recap and my thoughts of last night’s night out in downtown Appleton

1.) There are soooooo many broooooo’s (Anduzzis)

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I walk into Anduzzi’s (Appleton) and this is all I see.. guido’s on guido’s on guido’s. Tight affliction shirts, spiked hair and a bunch of Buckle gear. I walk in and order a few overpriced watered down W-Cokes and try my hardest to have a conversation with my buddies who are 2 feet away from me. Place is cranking and full of what I think were good looking women, but it was too dark to see. Some bittie walks up to me asks me to dance, I said i’ll dabble and busted these moves out on her… she asked me what I wanted to to drink, I said “I’ll take a W-Coke” she didn’t understand what this was, and it was a turn off. Took my drink she bought me and drank it out of a straw like a real girl. We go upstairs to Anduzzi’s and I honest to God thought I walked into a strip club, there were 2 female dancers dancing on top of the bar and looking into the mirrors, this just isn’t for me at a bar, just a fucking circus. I just felt bad for the girls dancing and had to leave. Dancefloor story: I was dancing with a girl, and I accidentally bumped into some bro and he threatened to kick my ass, I tried to take the high road and he wasn’t having it. I called him a daisy pusher and got the fuck out of Duzzi’s.

Watch from 1:50-2:20- This is their head football coach, this is me someday just dripping in swagger at the age of 35. By the way, i’m busting out the backwards visor, baller shades, and 5o’clock shadow this summer all day everyday.

 

2.) The Dirty Leprechaun- After the debacle that was Anduzzi’s, there was a little rumor there were $3 bombs at The Dirty Leprechaun. I honestly thought this place was pretty tight, chill place, people wearing the appropriate shirt sizes, no Baby GAP shirts on dudes. Ordered a captain and coke and it taste like a fucking diet coke. This is where I never know if I should confront the bartender or just plug my nose and drink the watered down shit I paid $5 for. I took the high road and didn’t say anything. Till I went up for a Jack and Coke and I told the bartender “Hey I know you didn’t pour my last drink but it was a little light on the booze” she then loaded me up with Jack and I was a happy fucking camper. Power move by me. I ran into a Bears fan who bought me like 3 shots, I couldn’t even tell you the letter his first name starts with, chirped at him how Julius Peppers will be dry humping Jay Cutler after multiple sacks this season and the free drinks ended from him. Ran into some random people from high school who I didn’t want to talk to and pulled the old fake phone call on them to get away from talking about some tired ass conversation. 

3.) I hate shots- I used to “shots guy” where I’d just rifle like 10-15 shots off in a night and feel like a dozen roses the next morning. Well I hung out with people who like shots and I don’t know how I kept all those Blackberry Brandy’s and Lunchboxes down. Lesson to be learned here kids just stick to Latte’s and W-Cokes and you’ll be in good shape. I’m here in my Brewers sweatshirt, watching hockey just cuddling up with my 3 empty gatorade bottles that i’ve crushed today. I’m ashamed to say it but I pulled the “I gotta go to the bathroom trick” when my buddies order up shots of goldshlogger, always gotta be thinking you guys..

4.) CU Saloon- This place is fucking dope as hell. Only got to spend like 45 minutes here at the end of the night, but I wish I would’ve just bellied up by the bar all night at this place and chatted up some nice country girls. Seriously music is money at this bar, girls were cute and the vibe was so damn chill, my kind of place for sure. Bartender said i looked like Tim Tebow, I got misty eyed and ordered my 8th Jack and Coke on the night. I will wear my cowboy boots and come to this place again, really wish I remembered more about what was on the wall and everything but at this point I was beligerent. Bar close came and I was drinking my Jack D and Coke out of a mason jar (such a power move by the way) when some skinny ass bouncer tries to take my drink away. This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves at the bar when bouncers start shouting “bar close” and start getting up in your face and trying to push you out of the bar. Me and my buddy Murph weren’t having it, barked at the bouncer a little bit before we were escorted out by a couple of friendly meaty ass bouncers. 

Literally my favorite movie of all time- went as Harry Dunn for Halloween one year- total chick magnet outfit. Pretty concerned those pictures are going to surface on my wedding picture slideshow one day.

5.) Taco Bell- Obviously it’s Taco Bell time, and i’m thinking i’m dude from “Man Vs. Food” just ordering the whole fucking menu. Nah j/k but my order consisted of…. 2 soft shells (no lettuce), 1x 5 layer burrito, 1x cool ranch doritos locos taco, 1x order of cinnamon twists. Crushed the food, had a little A-Bar and slept like a boss on a beanbag chair. If you ever want to feel awful about yourself just look at the Taco Bell nutrition facts after you just crushed 6 taco’s Sodium for daaaaayyyssssss. Gonna pumped out 1000 pushups and situps just to lose the calories. IDK what it is about Taco Bell but i’ve got a sweet tooth for it. 

6.) My Snapchat Game Needs to be Tightened Up- I realize I need to tighten up my snapchat game, Too many drunken MYSTORY’S and snaps. People were staring at me when I was doing my look both ways and drink move last night.

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Idk if I should be proud of myself or ashamed at how obnoxious I was on SnapChat last night, think i’m going to ban myself for 3 days.

Here are a few things i’ve brought to the snapchat game….

  • Look left, look right, head nod and drink your beer
  • the lipsyncing in the car to your favorite country song
  • sending a snap video saying I just got done with a shift at the sawmill after i’m doing with school
  • Selifies in front of people who are making out in the background

 

7.) My Green Bay Girls were out- Thiiiiiisssss flustered the shit out of me, hearing a few of my Green Bay girls were out and we all went to the same 3 bars and I didn’t run into a single one of them. I’ll let their names be anonymous, but they’re fun as hell to chill/drink with. Idk if they were getting after it on the dance floor at Duzzi’s or what, but I should’ve reached out in a snap stating where I was at. My bad ladies, may have to dabble at The Bull to tell our stories from last night. Def. would’ve bought y’all a W-Coke or Latte, I also was out with a buddy who would’ve bought you shots for dayzzz.

8.) Swaggy C needs to step his game up- Drank with him Thursday night and he did good. But the kid is just getting withered lately. Here is a pic of him just passed out while Fish, me and him were having a bro sesh watching Entourage. 

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Just passed out like an old man on his recliner, just lucky we’re good bro’s and didn’t draw penises on his face or slap ham on his face.

Also here is a picture of him just cooked out of his mind last night, send from a reader. 

I don’t think you’re wrist is supposed to bend that way bro.

Random: Tell me i’m not the only one who has woke up during the middle of the night with a numb arm thinking they broke their arm, just one of the scarier things in life.

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Random Thoughts-

I have my first co-ed softball game tonight in Neenah- so pumped up. I usually ball out at shortstop but with how hungover I am, hit it to me for a guaranteed hit.

If this blog isn’t in my top 5 best blogs I quit

The Brewers are red fucking hot right now

May start deleting people on snapchat, 60 contacts is ridiculous.

 

Time to nap before softball, looking to hit a homer tonight, later guys.

 

K.A.S.H.

 

Is Breaking Up With Someone With An Instagram Hashtag The Most Boss Move Ever?

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Now THAT is how you dump someone.  Fuck a face-to-face.  Fuck a phone call or text message.  It’s 2014.   Crop, filter and stick that shit in a hashtag and you’re good to go.  Lets all the other hoes that follow you know you’re on the open market now too so 2 birds with 1 stone.   #TransformationTuesday #Youredumpedbitch!

Secret Revealed That Nobody Wants: How to Drink All Night And Not Get Drunk

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Esquire– “You wanna know my secret? How I can drink beer all night long and never get drunk?” 

In fact, I had always wondered that. Though this was the first time I’d ever formally met Koch, I’d “met” him in the past at a few beer festivals. Those sorts of events are always kind of Bacchanalian shit shows, with people imbibing dozens of beer samples in a short period and soon stumbling around large convention halls drunk of their asses. Brewers included. But not Koch, who I’d long noticedwas always lucid, always able to hold court, and hold his own with those much younger than him. This billionaire brewing raconteur was doing likewise with me at 4 PM on a Thursday afternoon despite the fact we were both now several beers deep. So what was the secret? 

“Yeast!”

“Yeast?”

“Active yeast. Like you get at the grocery store.” Koch told me that for years he has swallowed your standard Fleischmann’s dry yeast before he drinks, stirring the white powdery substance in with some yogurt to make it more palatable. “One teaspoon per beer, right before you start drinking.”

 

So Listen up here you fucking hotrod, K.A.S.H. is here to tell you why you can take that bottle of Sam Adams and shove it straight up your candy ass. Here are the reasons why being able to get that buzz and get drunk from alchohol trumps feeling dead sober.

1.) Liquid Confidence- This is a fucking gamechanger. Every guy has been there you’re the perfect amount of buzzed about and you decided to take a swing for the fences with the dime piece of a girl at the end of the bar. You have zero care in the world if she dumps her martini on your shirt or if she gives you her digits. Alchohol is man’s best friend when he wants to talk to a woman, the fuck if I wanna be 12 beers deep and not feel a fucking thing, because that takes out the fearless factor and that’s huge. Keep your fucking bottle of yeast and don’t get any girls bro.

2.) The feeling of being tanked- The feeling of loaded can be great and can be bad, but having this feeling is needed. Where someone asks you what you’re mom’s name is and you say Mike McCarthy and you are just getting wreckless at XS. Gotta have this feeling or your life will be boring.

3.) Checks and Balances- When I was first introduced to drinking my older buddy “Big Shoes” told me after I puked in his brand new house and woke up the next day paralyzed… “checks and balances my friend”. This basically means if you’re going to get all beligerant and stuff 15 beers down your throat you need to accept the consequences of feeling like a bag of dicks the next morning and having to sack up and go to work, the next day. This shit builds character.

4.) Who eats before drinking- What flusters me the most this guy acts like he can just ram whatever food down his throat that he wants and it’s all good. I purposley won’t eat anything 3-4 hours before I start boozing so that I don’t have too full of a stomach or eat any munchies to take away from my buzz. This may be why the last few times I’ve gone out i’ve been a hot fucking mess out at the bar, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Just go HAM on taco bell and get peppersprayed when you’re done drinking.

5.) Yeast and Yogurt at a bar- If you see me with anything besides a W-Coke, Miller Latte or my IPhone in my hand at the bar, I give you permission to chuck norris roundhouse kick my ass, the fuck if i’m gonna sit there and empty a flask of yeast and dump it into my Dannon Strawberry Yogurt so I don’t get drunk. Some of my funniest moments while drinking have come from being just hammed beyond belief.

Officially boycotting Sam Adams because of this hardo

 

Random Thoughts- 

– I have ice in my veins while doing interviews, just crush them. a cold blooded assassin once I put on that suit and tie.

– Win or Go Home tonight in soccer intramurals tonight, i’ll be in the goal tonight so the other team should start the fucking buss.

– Swaggy C and I have already cracked open the Silo’s of miller’s so we should be in rough shape tonight

– The plan is to have a “bye week” from the Cock’N Bull tonight, but who the hell knows, i’ve been known to dabble with some spur of the moment shit.

– Just found this song and if you don’t like it, don’t bother talking to me tonight. (It’s about drinking Jack Daniels Whiskey)

– Had a reader suggest I just become Van Wilder and go to school for 8 years and run the campus— valid idea but I’m afraid I have to decline, a guy can only snapchat in class so much and drink Miller Latte’s every night before he goes insane

– Swaggy C is hooked on tennis, we have a tennis tourney tomorrow to win. half the teams are girls so we’ll prolly get smoked by them.

 

Have a W-Coke for me tonight at The Bull, you guys. Getting misty-eyed thinking about it.

 

K.A.S.H.

 

Catching A Foul Ball At A Baseball Game

Hey guys, hanging out in class, and stumbled on this video and decided to make a quick blog about it. This video is of a little kid who is given a foul ball from an olden gentleman, and freaks out, pretty cute little vid.

http://deadspin.com/little-kids-brain-breaks-after-getting-foul-ball-1566068475

I’ve watched this video a solid 7 times and can’t stop smiling at this kid’s reaction. Just melting my heart.

Lets break this down and relate it to being a kid or adult at a baseball game, and catching foul balls.

1.) I’m at the age where I give away foul balls- If Ryan Braun smokes a foul ball at me holding my Miller Lite, and I happen to get the baseball, i’m looking around to give it to an 8 year old boy/girl to make their day/month/life. No reason for me to bring home that $18 baseball and put it in my man cave. Make the kid’s day, you’ll feel like you just saved a life.

2.) Don’t bring a glove to a baseball park- When I was a kid i’d sit there all game with my glove on my hand, praying a foul ball would fly towards me, running after every ball within 50 yards. But I get flustered as hell when I see 35 year old bro’s sitting there with their Rawliings glove on the whole game praying for a foul ball, and laying out for a foul ball thinking they’re robbing a home run. Grow up, now gloves once you get over 16 years old. 

3.) This kid look like…- I’m geeking out how this kid just stares at the ball for a solid 15 seconds like he saw his first set of boobs. You think that baseball is fascinating, wait 10 more years bro, bigger and better things to come.

4.) Giving away a ball is a power move- You give away a ball to a little kid, you’re going to have every girl’s number around you within the next 20 rows in the next 30 seconds. Chicks dig a guy with a heart and who likes to give. 

5.) If someone gives my kid a ball- Pretty standard move here but if someone gives my kid a ball, i’m ordering you a Miller Latte and if you don’t want to accept it, i’ll force you to drink it. Just a classy gesture.

 

Random Thoughts-

I hope to age like this boss of a 70 year old who gave the baseball to the kid

I used to be aggressive foul ball chaser guy when I was younger

I enjoy catching brats shot from the bratzooka gun at baseball games

i want ot sit in the most comfortable seat of the game in center field at the Brewer games

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If I see Sophia doing sideline reporting at Miller Park, I will ask her on a date.

 

This guy was just thirsty for a $6 baseball at this Little League World Series Game. If you’re 40 years old and going face-first into the pickers at a little league game you need to check yourself.

 

Suit and Tie swag game will be on point for my job interview this afternoon, look good, play good.

 

-K.A.S.H.

Bowling

Hey guys just woke up, chillin here eating pancakes and decided i’ll give y’all a blog to chew on for the weekend. I’ve got a big Saturday with my Fox Valley Lutheran bro’s today doing grow up shit.

This is what I have planned for this nice little Saturday, damn now I need to watch Old School tonight.

Anyways the reason i’m writing this blog is because I stumbled on this video and thought it was fucking hilarious how serious these bowlers take it. I’m going to break down the serious of events that take place in this video and relate to my bowling game.

1.) i’m a straight bowler- Miss Polley tried to teach me how to put spin on it in bowling class, tried it a few times, threw gutter balls and told her i’m gonna roll with the straight technique. I honestly hate playing against people who put spin on their shots not only because they think they’re hot shit, but because I think it’s going to go in the gutter, just to have it roll perfectly in for a strike, just pisses me off.

2.) Picking out a bowling ball- You get your bowling shoes, now it’s time to find a bowling ball that you can throw around for an hour. I’m the worst at choosing a ball, i’ll either pick one up that makes my fingers look like fucking bratwursts, and i’m worried that my hands will be permanently stuck in the ball for life, that or i’ll pick up a 15 lb rock that makes my rotator cuff want to fall off when I roll it. I despire people who walk around with their little handbag with their own custom bowling ball, but the process of picking out a ball everytime you go bowling makes me consider it. Also i’m PRO-sharing a ball with someone if it’s the perfect fit.

3.) I’m all about the fan thing that blows cold air in the ball dispenser- If you’ve ever bowled with me, this is my go-to at the ball dispenser. Big shot coming up? get yourself all pumped up by putting your fingers over this fan and you’ll definetley bowl a strike. Just throw a gutter ball? go up to the air fan and get that sweat off your hands because that’s clearly the problem. This is my fucking scapegoat for every bad shot, the air fan on the ball dispenser is where you should be chillin most of the bowling night if you’re doing it right.

4.) I hate serious bowling guy- I go bowling 1, maybe 2 times a year so when someone who bowls in a league every week bowls with me I just get flustered. If I throw up a 150 in a game i’m gonna be pretty jacked, not fun bowling with someone who is bowling 250-275 a game, just makes you feel like the little brother. Not to mention a few things that bother me about serious bowling guy:

—- They do that gay ass follow through with their legs, you know where they roll the ball and 5 seconds later they have their feet perfectly twisted. Tough to explain but you’ll know it when you see it.

—– The dude who starts gobbling when he gets a turkey (3 strikes in a row) This guy can go sit on a fucking cactus, If I get 3 strikes in a night i’m pumped. Don’t need to hear your barnyard noises rubbing it in my face

—– If you wear a wrist pad on your wrist, you bowl too much and need to take a week off bro. Just hate the look, you’re throwing a ball toss some icy-hot on it and cowboy up.

Random Thoughts—-

once in a while if i’m feelin’ it i’ll bust out a Michael Jackson moonwalk after i let go of the ball, just to see myself knock down 4 pins.

The guys from the video posted above get so many girls it’s unreal.

If someone tells me to be a “statue” while their shooting, i’ll probably just do everything in my power to be extra obnoxious during their shots.

Bowling on a date is solid, fun time and if you go with me you probably have a good chance of beating me if you’re into that.

Bowling Alley food is greasy but money. Mozzarella Sticks that could potentially give you a heart attack but totally worth it in my opinion.

I have to go shopping for a suit today, just going to be so tedious i’m not looking forward to it. But i’m telling you, you’ll never feel like a bigger boss than when you’re wearing a suit.

I’m going out in Oshkosh tonight and we have 2x $100 bar tabs for free, just not even fair. Gonna order top shelf all night just because.

My sister asked me to watch The Notebook with her last night, and I did. Do I get brother of the year award or what? I have a soft spot in my heart for Rachel McAdams, also a little man crush on Ryan Gosling.

I hate this guy in this video

 

Alright that’s enough…

K.A.S.H.

Shitshow at The Bull

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This is what I looked like last night at The Bull. Honestly, had to of been my worst experience ever there, just so many fucking nightmares i’m hearing for stories this morning. So i’ll break it down by hour as far as I can remember.

8pm-10pm- Got smoked in soccer, proceeded to head back to Swaggy C’s house and just hammer Miller Latte’s right off the bat. Slammed a couple of silos via snapchat then moved on to being DJ K.A.S.H. here in the dorms mixing country and rap all night. I dared a couple of bitties on my phone saying “you won’t chug a beer, you won’t” they all proceeded to do this and my mission was accomplished. Crushed a shower beer while listening to some B.O.B. Headband. I’m getting some mixed reviews on the shower snaps, some people want me go show even more skin some don’t want any of it, drink it up fuckers.

10pm-11pm-

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Probably about 6 beers deep at this point, Swaggy C is a beer or so ahead of me, kid was just dumping them down his throat. Head to the pregame party aka “the trap house” start chatting it up with everyone there, literally love everyone at that house and pretty flustered I didn’t meet them earlier in my career. Played beer pong lost, and turned down a shot of Tequila. A few shots I won’t do under any circumstances.. Tequila (unless i’m on spring break in Mexico, Wild Turkey. Every time I start making the gobbling noise for a Wild Turkey shot i’m regretting it 30 seconds later when i’m cuddling with the toilet. Stay away from that shit, tastes like pure gasoline.

11pm-1am- Walk in to the Cock’N Bull and see everyone, just handshaking everyone in fucking site. I drank Miller Latte (which I intended to drink all night) before I turned to my boy Fisch and tried to pawn it off for a W-Coke. I think i’m a fucking businessman, apparently not because I ended up just giving it to him for free. Then the night got weird. Ordered a pitcher of W-Cokes, this was one of my top 5 worst decisions of my life. I literally don’t remember a thing after midnight. Swaggy C in the meantime is so wasted he didn’t even know my name. Kid was just ravaging Vodka/Waters all night, so sauced and he doesn’t remember a single thing. The best thing about The Bull was getting a few nice pics with everyone to put in my college scrapbook in a month. Either I was fucking jumping around with W-Cokes in my hand or someone kept bumping into me, it looks like I fucking took a shower in W-Cokes, feel so greasy right now. Gonna put up a poster in the bull above the bar telling them not to serve me when I get so beligerant.

1am-3am– You know what time it is… XS time. This is just a fucking debacle. Walk in, go in the zoo cage and just party. Not 2 minutes into walking into the place, I get sandwhiched by two girls i’m talking a full on sandwhich were i’m the meat. This went on for a minute, looked back at one of them and said I gotta find my girlfriend, only excuse I could think of at the time and it worked. So much creepy shit went down, bloggers and blog readers were making out on the dance floor. It was out of hand, felt like I was in a bad dream. Leave XS, go to taco bell, crush 2 soft shells no lettuce. At Taco Bell the security guard pepper sprayed some bro trying to come at us. Literally the funniest shit I’ve ever witnessed in my life. We ride home I cuddle the fuck out of the futon.

 

THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE LOOKING THROUGH MY PHONE RIGHT NOW, JUST A BUNCH OF ANIMALS, PERFECT ATTENDANCE IS DEFINETLEY AT RISK YOU GUYS, I NEED A WHISKEY CLEANSE

Bradley Cooper, let me have your hair for one fucking dude you stud muffin.

Swaggy C- reminds me so much of the dentist nerdy dude in these pics

My Bachelor party will be in Vegas.

This Morning—

I wake up at 5am to 2 people fucking like a couple of rabbits, in the room next to me. This girl was fucking howling at the top of her lungs, no idea if that dude is just a boss in bed, but I heard her yelling some of the most dirty, unreal shit ever. I’m scarred for life after hearing this, might need to go to therapy, could’ve heard it from a mile away. my god what an awful experience.

Swaggy C has a fucking huge scrape all over his lips and nose, pretty boy swag is jacked up right now. He’s just putting ice cubes to his lips to get rid of the burn, slightly entertaining

Crushed Hilltop, ate about 2 bites out of a cheeseburger and cheese curds and talked about how shitty the night was with the bro’s

I’m looking to Crush a 5 hour nap STAT

I have a pretty dope MyStory though, so thanks to whoever put that up, just bro’ing out so hard.

Hope I didn’t send any drunk texts/snaps to you guys, if you did don’t take it serious.

Going to go Puke, Cry, and Sing in the shower right now, just a nightmare.

I know i’m missing a ton of details but, it’s all fuzzy right now.

Che-Che said I got her hooked on Lee Brice- I Don’t Dance.. so you’re welcome for that, such a good tune.

Pretty sure i’ll still wreak of whiskey at Church Tonight

Couple songs to check out, guaranteed to make you feel better if your Hung right now.

***^^ 2:32 mark Luke Bryan just kills it

 

Nap time you guys

K.A.S.H.-

 

7 Things I Hate About Getting My Haircut

Hey guys, pretty much just here grinding away on homework and job applications. Received a snapchat from 2 of our readers who sent me a pic of them crushing pizza fries in the Phoenix Club, think I gained 5 pounds just seeing that picture. But anyways, I got into a little conversation/debate with my brothers/cousins/uncles yesterday at a birthday party about what we hate most about getting our haircut the most. This probably won’t be too entertaining but who knows maybe your boyfriend is thinking what i’m thinking while getting his haircut. So here are the things I hate most about getting my haircut.

1.) Reading the same tired Sports Illustrated magazine from 2013- This is how it goes, walk in, fill in your name and sit down just to see a mess of 2 year old Sports Illustrated magazines. Real story I read an NCAA Tournament preview from 2 years ago, this is just pathetic. Mix in a few Men’s Health or Sporting News subscriptions that are up to date my god, just a withering experience. Option 2 is to just work your smartphone like nobody’s business, praying someone will have a text/snapchat sesh with you.

2.) Trying to explain what style of haircut you want- This is like clockwork for me, sit down in the barber chair and the girl asks how I want my haircut, I just start giving some confusing explanation with my hands of how short I want it on the sides and on top. She looks at me like an idiot and says “we’ll go longer with it, then go from there” My new play is going to be bringing in this picture of Tim Tebow or Christiano Ronaldo. Power move but it has to be done. 

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3.) Having a conversation with them- Literally the worst experience in the world. Sitting through a painful 20 minute conversation with your hairdresser. It always starts with “so what you got planned for the rest of the day” or “What do you do for a living” I despise these conversations with complete strangers, and I love chatting it up with people usually. I’ve decided i’m going to start making up fake identities of job description and everything just to see how they react. In a perfect world, I sit in the chair, watch ESPN the whole time and come out with a fresh Tim Tebow haircut. Thank You, have a nice day.

4.) Scalp Massage- This part is money, no doubt about it but it can get a tad weird. So for the ladies this is how it goes. We lean back in our chair over a sink and we get a shampoo and condition from the hairdresser. Meanwhile, you are sitting there praying that is never stops, feels fucking phenominal, but there is a certain point where she’s been digging her meat hooks into your scalp for 5 minutes and you’re wondering whats going on because you have your eyes closed and she rubbing up on you. This is just a tough spot to put a guy iin.

5.) When they try to style and do your hair at the end- So the haircut is over and she asks you if your want product in your hair, I always reply “yes” but nothing flusters me more than when the chick thinks she’s your fucking mom just experimenting with no hairstyles for 3 minutes, literally feel like a fucking 4 year old when they do this. So they end up putting your hair in some hairstyle you have no intentions of rocking and you tear up a bit and say it looks great, only to go right to the mirror in your car just to go back to your normal hairstyle. That or just throw a Miller High Life hat on for the day if she butchered your lettuce.

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This kid parties, business in the front, party in the back…

6.) Awkward massage at the end- At the way end they massage your kneck and back with a massager thing, that feels similar to someone taking a jackhammer to your back and neck. This is fine and they’re just trying to have good service, but you eventually make awkward eye contact in the mirror and both think to yourselves “when should this massage be over” This is brutal.

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7.) Trying to sell me tired hair product- I rock CREW “For Men” Forming Cream, it has never let me down. Save the Paul Mitchell sales pitch for my dad or some other bro. 

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My buddy is a hairdresser, his nickname is “Tre’Key” kid can really cut the lettuce, may go to him from now on. 

 

Random Thoughts—-

Perfect attendance for “The Bull” is at risk this Thursday

My buddy walked in on me doing “10 Minute Abs” today, we just acted like nothing happened.

About to ravage some Qdoba right now.

 

Can’t believe girls find this blog enjoyable or tolerable, but I live for it. Appreciate y’all

 

You won’t blog Swaggy C, you wont!

 

K.A.S.H.

 

Drinking & Partying Lessons From Thursday Night

Hey guys little late on the Thursday night recap, probably because I was hungover all day till like 7PM. As most of you know Thursday nights at The Bull get out of hand, and it seems like every week it getting more and more crazy, but I love it. I learned some quality lessons about Thursday night so I thought I’d share them with you. 

1.) W-Coke Life- I used to drink Captain and Coke until some old dude called me out saying it was a girl drink, obviously me with my pride wasn’t going to go around drinking Captains out of a pink straw. So I converted to W-Cokes. It was love at first sight, these things are so fucking delicious, honestly looking into making a W-Coke candy to suck on all day during class. Anyways, show up on Thursday night at Cock’N Bull and go straight to my girl Nia at the bar and tell her “2 W-Cokes please” she comes back and I shit you not these were straight Whiskey with a few ice cubes. No complaints here as I figure I won’t have to buy as many drinks tonight because of it. 1 1/2 W-Cokes i’m spitting all over Fisch while talking to him, he calls me out on it and I continue to do it. Kid needed a fucking windshield wiper to talk to me. I never do this, and it was all downhill from there. W-Cokes need to come with a disclaimer on them, so good, yet so dangerous.

2.) XS Got Wild Again- XS is just becoming a go-to when 1:00 comes around. Everyone just wants to dance and just grind it up. I always say I won’t go, but get talked into with no regrets. My buddy was so pumped to get to XS he sprained his ankle, pretty flustered I didn’t get to witness this, but kid still danced his ass off. Show up, head to the bar, have a few gay dudes whisper dirty things in your ear, ignore them, grab Miller Latte and the get the fuck out of there. Honestly, I have some pictures on my phone from XS that my friends don’t want me to post on Facebook, just beligerancy at it’s finest. I found this gem in my phone though.

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Recap: Everyone is getting after it in the zoo, and this motherfucker photobombs the shit out the pic. A couple thoughts on this picture, one why the fuck am I not in the zoo, and instead just lurking on the outside? This dude just wreaks of creepyness and i’m scared for my well-being at XS from now on. Guy parties though.

3.) I’m a Snapchat Rookie- I brought it to my own attention that I was a snapchat rookie on Thursday, just horrible execution on my part. Throwing 6 mystory’s up in a night is just unacceptable, and I would punish myself by giving myself a 1 week snapchat suspension but I’d have a nervous fucking breakdown without it. I will clean up my snapchat game for next Thursday night. Can’t be rocking bro selfie’s all night as stories unless we all look like money as hell.

4.) Sleeping @ Other People’s Places- So 5am comes around and you have the spins, and you can’t possibly sip any more Miller’s without your stomach exploding, so you decided to hit the hay. I love my friends for letting my stay over at their places and just hut it out with their couch all night, but I gotta speak from my heart here. I have the worst luck in the world, i’ll ask for a pillow and blanket and they’ll come out with a fucking toddler blanket that covers up my shoulders down to my ass, with the thickness of a napkin. I love thick and comfy blankets so when I have to sleep with a napkin i’m shivering all night, just a tragedy. When it comes to pillows usually its the size of a notebook with zero thickness, at this point I say thank you and just cry myself to sleep. 

5.) The Hangovers- I’m no scientist but if the hangovers keep getting progressivley worse for me, I will die of a hangover in the next few months. Idk if it’s the 10-1 drink to water ratio I go by on Thursday nights or what, but I literally woke up feeling like I got shot in the head with nail gun. 

Now I want to watch this movie, also I do bust out the Shooter Mcgavin “shooter move” when I make a put in real golf sometimes. Classic.

I seriously need a fucking nurse at my bedside to cure these hangover and just pump with an IV of Gatorade. I know I did a blog about how to cure a hangover, don’t follow any of it, I have no cure. 5 guys burger was pretty effective though.

Instagram is Underrated- I’ve had an Instagram for about a year and have posted like 30 pictures (Not a lot) but honestly it’s growing on me a lot. Idk why I get way more satisfaction out of an Instagram like than anything Facebook related. Also the pics people post are pretty sick, if you’re not on Instagram you’re missing out. Perfect to just scroll through while you’re supposed to be listening to your professor in class. I neeeeeeeed this filter, if anyone knows how to get it please tell me!

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Just a dirty filter. Need it in my life.

 

Random Thoughts—-

Skipping UW-Oshkosh Pub Crawl today, just not feeling it

The Brewers are killing it!

I’m addicted to the following songs……

 

Later,

 

K.A.S.H.