IPFW Shocks #3 Indiana & One Student Celebrates by Drinking Bleach

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>IPFW just upset #3 Indiana. This kid celebrated by… drinking bleach <a href=”https://t.co/quiv0S2LHp”>pic.twitter.com/quiv0S2LHp</a></p>&mdash; Deadspin (@Deadspin) <a href=”https://twitter.com/Deadspin/status/801282625486909441″>November 23, 2016</a></blockquote>
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The IPFW Mastadons upset the #3 ranked Indiana Hoosiers tonight and it’s mayhem in the state of Indiana. This is the equivalent of UWGB hell UW-Platteville beating the Badgers.

It’s pathetic, but this is why college sports kick the shit out of pro sports. You’re a student at IPFW, you make the trek to Bloomington, Indiana to watch the school you weren’t smart enough to get into, the school with prettier girls stomp on your tiny D1 mid-major school and what happens… You fuck around, go to overtime and shock big brother.

This kid drinking bleach is a savage, would be an absolute plot twist if he he straight vodka in that jug and was just tanking it all game.

Congrats to the little guys, can’t wait to have more upsets in March.

What is a Mastadon??

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Basically a mammoth, fucking tusks for days

I absolutley get my rocks off on Tom Cream made/confused photos

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Dwight Schrute lookin’ boy

#OnWisconsin

K.A.S.H.

 

Packers Linebacker Kyler Fackrell Weightroom Son! NOW!

 

Kyler Fackrell Good Job, Good Effort Bro, not only were you fucking the dog day dreaming on the sidelines but you run full speed onto the field like Rudy, get in your 3-point stance just to get swatted like a fly by the Right Tackles meat hook.

I played High School Football i’ve sat in the film room after missing a tackle 3 times when we lost on the last play of the game, he’s gonna have to walk around the Packers facility with some pink panties on his head. Kid is still picking dirt and grass out of his teeth. 

This is the epitome of the Packers season minus the good effort part of it.

The Packers STINK! stop holding out of hope of the playoffs, this secondary couldn’t hold my jock strap running my fat ass down the field. 

Latarius Gunter should be bagging my fucking groceries at Festival Foods.

K.A.S.H.

2016 Electric Factory

So first off I’d like to apologize for the leave of absence due to KASH’s very careless knowledge of passwords and not giving me any insight about changes to the site, but guess what Bullhorn is back! And what a time to come back!

I want to start by saying, my little brother will be graduating in 2023, so by then the history books will probably be an optical illusion powered by alien drones but one thing is for sure 2016 will be the biggest fucking chapter in the whole damned thing!

Electric is an understatement, I can’t fathom the words to express my excitement to be alive right now. For one, the Chicago Cubs have finally done it, World Series Champions.

Yeah yeah yeah there are a lot of Brewers fans that probably read this blog, as well as bloggers on this blog that are brewers fans, and brewers fans who love hating the Cubs for no apparent reason other than we are legitimately better.

You guys changed your fan appreciation day this past season because it landed on a cubs game and there are too many cubs fans who come, well fucking show up to the game and support your team like a real fan should instead of just when they’re winning and it shouldn’t matter who the opposing team is.

Back to whats important, the Cubs finally did it, and after years of suffering (which I know is minimal to other fans), years of still showing up to the cubs convention to show support, and it finally happened. I can honestly say that my year/life has been made anything else positive to come is just icing on the cake.

Stacked bats, stacked bullpen, and young talent that is going to keep producing in the future.  (Section 1 of chapter 2016 in history book)

 

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(Insert section 2 of 2016 history book)

Donny!!

Who in the world would have seen this coming?

I think it is amazing. A joke, perhaps but none the less it is America, equal opportunity country, give the bastard a chance, we gave Barry O two chances and look where we are. Crime rates in the inner cities are sky rocketing, someone getting paid minimum wage flippin my burgers can’t afford to go see a doctor for the coughing and wheezing from the two packs of cigarettes they smoke a day, and Mrs. John Doe with a big swinging dick can go do his makeup in the Target bathroom with sweet little Lisa just trying to go potty.

“He is a biggot, he doesn’t pay his taxes, and he says mean things!”

When you get done crying at your protest let me know how many people he’s had killed off for knowing something about him that could ruin his campaign, put a mic on you so we can hear everything you say when your behind closed doors, and don’t worry after all the money he has put into his campaign he wont ever have to pay taxes again, oh and sorry now you have to go get a job.

 

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(Lesson 3 of 2016 history book)

 

For the third and final lesson, people will be talking about how Bottoms Up Bros revolutionized the blogging world.

At least we like to think so.

With that being said, yours truly, KASH, Saggy C, and Bobby Loves Biscuits will make it a devotion to bring you blogs filled with so much content your brains will be content mush by the time you get done with reading our blogs.

Not only blogs, but we are hoping to get a podcast/’s going just to spice things up a little bit.

Catch you on the rebound!

Bullhorn

 

 

 

One more reason not to Vote for Hillary Clinton

I try to keep this blog as politically neutral as possible, but I cannot stand this old withy hag. Just another reason I found not to vote for this biddie in 2016.. HER COUGH.

 

Good god tootz mix in some honey cider and cough drop. Hillary sounds like she smokes 2 packs of grits a week, take care of yourself honey. I could absoloutley see her just chain smoking in the White House, heaven forbid she’s elected just trashing the place, making all the furniture wreak of smoke and grime. She reminds of cruella deville, NEEEEEED Donny Trump as POTUS, even though he’s a loose cannon. Dude has brass balls. 

 

P.S. The Donny vs Hillary back and forth hate is going to be epic, Donny 1 Hillary 0 to start.

Is Hillary really protecting women?

A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on

K.A.S.H.

Michael Bisping Knocks Out Rockhold at UFC 199

Michael Bisping with the first round KO against Luke Rockhold at UFC 199 last night.

 

You got knocked the fuck out biatch! Big upset in UFC action last night. Veteran and scrapper Michael Bisping knocked out the heavy favorite last night as he hit em with a few haywakers got Rockhold woozy and to the ground and a few extra kiss on the chine for good measure.

I’m not the biggest UFC guy anymore but I used to be the loser at Buffalo Wild Wings there 2 hours before the fight so I could get a seat for me and my boys to show of our new affliction gear. There’s no place in the world with more testosterone than watching a UFC fight, almost brawled with a y9lked 35 year old dude with tats a few years ago. 

 

K.A.S.H.

Middle School Girl Gets Bodied by A Cop at School

Jennessa got a little cocky with the teacher, tried to run away from the school police officer and gets absolutey  suplexed by the cop. Wam, Bam, Thank you ma’am just a concussion on the old concrete. Legit if a police officer every did this to one of my buddies i’d give him a stomp to the face with the old boot. These fucks get off on excessive action, Jennessa weights 80 lbs soaking wet and he just ragdolled her ass.

K.A.S.H.

Louisiana Tech Womens Basketball Head Coach Tyler Summitt Steps Down After Allegedly Impregnating Player

SwishAppealMultiple sources close to the situation have informed Swish Appeal the person Tyler Summitt had an inappropriate relationship with is a player and that she is pregnant. We have decided to not release the player’s name.

Earlier Thursday, Summitt resigned from his head coaching position at LA Tech after he admitted to an inappropriate relationship.

Summitt released this statement following his resignation:

“It is with great regret that I resign from my position as head coach of the women’s basketball program at Louisiana Tech University. I am profoundly disappointed in myself for engaging in a relationship that has negatively affected the people I love, respect and care about the most. My hope, plans and prayers are to repair those relationships. I am appreciative of the opportunity I was given to coach at Louisiana Tech. I am heartbroken that my time has ended in Ruston, but because of my respect for the institution, it is best that I resign. I am hopeful the media and the public will respect the privacy of my family and me as we deal with this difficult situation I have caused.”

Summitt is the son of legendary head coach, Pat Summitt. He has been the head coach at Louisiana Tech for the past two seasons. While at LA Tech, he has compiled an overall record of 30-31, 19-17 in Conference USA play.

First off, just an incredible story, if i wasn’t at my shitty sales job i would have a camera to make a 30 for 30 on this series of events. 

Let’s be honest here a 25 year old red blooded male, gets the head coaching job to coach 15 college aged women ages 18-22 who all have tremendous athletic bodies, are sweating and changing around coach and you expect hormones not to fly and sexual tension not to build. 

Now any professional head coach should know better and value his job more than a hot piece of college ass but Tyler Summitt allegedly couldn’t keep his hands and dick off the temptation. 

He was making $175,000 a year, had his dream job at the age of 25 and the future looked bright, oh not to mention his wife is way the fuck out of fuckboys league. 

This will pretty much kill all hope for any male under the age of 3o getting a crack at a head coaching gig in womens basketball for a while. 

Am I the only one who is curious as fuck as to who he allegedly got pregnant, well KASH did some digging on the roster and here’s my theory of who it is:

She’s a senior, she transferred from Marquette where Summitt used to be an assistant, and she’s the only good looking girl on the team.

K.A.S.H.

Pablo Sandoval the fatty breaks his belt during his swing

https://d1wst0behutosd.cloudfront.net/videos/8576729/22679270.480p.mp4?Expires=1460323917&Signature=LuwPQ4eg9PIHyu6~vM0FpIbbVa1BK8vbOAIxX95ffcclVVv~mzfr0raf0s5HHgko7rRs7NttsdHuPrXPr3w9cKCWwzw9TuDWdPyW28q0Vz627aHl6gZ8kxTCcXvo6wm8ZnfYUvlpe2E0e3P4bWm2D5SWNcDurmJzicaVRwjR3UlN49yfKc~gI33iGolmN7yZ2tVGVN4bGbLj0CGQQ09F256BQu–vRQwdl9pxEzl7Ev-2ZcDTxPL1u7obQ0yycvAdiad3E3L26EUpcanwEAl3vgOiwu5J6InbowF~zptdkvVKkRKP6jznv7ccm3D86cCwQriaD7VeLujc8gvPA1V~w__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJJ6WELAPEP47UKWQ

 

Good god this is terrifying because it looks like a foreshadow of me this summer in my beer league softball league. I’ve done nothing but shovel fast food down my esophogous, crush mountain dews and lattes on the weekends. Legit getting a piss tank and their is no sign of me stopping the train from rolling. I can picture it now, smoke a softball to right field round first and have what should have been an easy stand up double ending up with me barrelling into 2nd bas stumbling in sliding bellyflop style like Price Fielder.

Enough about me, back to Panda, this guy signed a 5 year $95 million dollar deal last season and done nothing but sit on his fat candy ass. I mean why the fuck not, guarantee $95 mill, hell i’d just hit China Moon every day, drink beers and eat chicken wings in the locker room, go up at the plate catch a few K’s at the plate and go back and count my money.. 

Problem is Boston fans are tough, they’ll call you the fuck out if you’re slacking and collecting their hard earned money every night because you let yourself go and turned into a lard ass.

Let’s be honest hear though the video of the slow-mo of his belt buckle exploding is like watching an old building that was structurally unsound, or a roof with a bunch of kids on it caving in. Just so much tummy fat it ate the belt right up

I think i’m gonna go hit the shredmill now, don’t wanna get Panda fat

K.A.S.H.

Ted Thompson: The bozo that costed GB rings

This is Bobby Loves-Biscuits. I am a huge fan of this blog and I asked my fellow chinese eating buffet partner in crime “KASH” to let me write 1 time in his blog. For the few people that actually read this blog, I just moved to Brooklyn NY and I have received zero facebook hate since the end of football season so I decided to write this article. First off I am absolutely cooked right now and could have went home with some fatty that would have made a grilled cheese sandwich off my chest but I decided to do this instead.

Now my Facebook has been flooded the last 2 days about how the Packers signed the best thing since the wheel Jared Cook, and how Marshawn Lynch wanted to be traded to the Packers. So as a die hard Vikings fan let me give you a idea of how much Ted Thompson fucked up. Hopefully at the end of this article your green harded penis’s soften up.

Lets start in with the Sharon Rodgers draft. Great pick but who in Green Bay woke up that morning saying “well I hope we get that skank from California”… None. So when he dropped passed pick 15 everybody in Green Bay was cheering for Sharon… I know because I was at the bar the night after finding out what its like masturbating.

Lets fast forward to the year Teddy T could have made the biggest moves of all time. Trading for my childhood hero Randy Moss. The New England Patriots got Randy for a 4th round pick. A pick that the Packers easily could have given up. But my guess Teddy only offered a 5th but with how much the Raiders gave up for Moss they had to take highest bidder. Now lets be honest here. The 2007 draft was stacked VERY stacked. I actually watched the draft with one of my best friends in Seymour. But 4 rounds deep? Not a chance.

In the 4th round of the 2007 NFL draft Teddy drafted Allen “barbie doll” Barbre. And because Teddy is a fucking bozo in the 5th round guess where he went??? Wide Receiver named David fucking Clowney. Are you fucking kidding me? We all know what Randy did in with the Pats that year, and I am telling you now that same intensity and the fact that Brett Favre finally got his wish… Wow… No way the Giants beat the Packers in the NFC championship game and no AFC comes close to beating that Packers team. From a Vikings fan stand point Teddy refused to trade a 4th round pick for a super bowl ring. Yet I didnt mention the fact he drafted Justin Harrell and passed on a guy named Greg Olson. 2007 draft was a horrible one for Teddy but nobody says anything. Wait should I take that back? the only remaining member of the 2007 draft class for Green Bay is kicker Mason Crosby.

In 2008 Teddy stroke gold with the draft pick of Jordy Nelson. But later in the 2nd round he drafted Brian Brohm. You must have a lot of confidence in Sharon when you take a quarterback in the 2nd round. He however did hit Josh Sitton that draft. I would tell you which round but I am so fucking hammered right now and am currently staring at this girl from chili whose chest I would poop on.

In 2009 Teddy hit the jackpot with Clay Matthews. In which I dont know what is more shocking him falling that far or the fact that he hasn’t been suspended yet for steroid use. Teddy did draft TJ Lang that same draft only after drafting a fucking FULL BACK… Packers didnt even have a running back but draft a fullback Quinn Johnson out of LSU.

Now comes 2010 the year the Packers had a shot at Marshawn Lynch. The Packers had a chance to trade for Marshawn during the season but Teddy T didnt want to fork over what eventually be a 3rd round draft pick. Now GB won the super bowl lets fast forward to the following season when Marshawn was needed. The Pack went 15-1 but 0 running game. In the divisional round the Pack played IMO the only team that would have stopped them based on matchups and that was the Giants. The Giants were +9.5 but had the defensive pressure to hurt Rodgers and thats what happened. The Giants dared the Packers to run that game, and who was the leading rusher that game? Sharon with 66 yards rushing. Are you telling me that would have happened with Marshawn in the backfield?

So let me update for everbody. Teddy T chose David Clowney over Randy Moss and Alex Green over Marshawn Lynch in what should be 2 extra super bowl rings. I know some of you bozos are waiting for me to bring up Charles Woodson, but its not happening it was 1 signing and he won DPOY when Sharon punted the ball to the Cardinals in the playoffs. He was a great signing but that was it. Julius Peppers? He was good the first year and so/so the 2nd year but hes carrying 10 million a year under his belt. I do like the Jared Cook signing but what are you going to do with this draft with so many needs? Look back at all the drafts you have at best 2 maybe 3 guys remaining from the draft class and thats it.

Meanwhile as a Vikings fan we used free agency the way Teddy T should have. We signed mid level free agents who turned into huge signings for us. We didnt make the news when we signed Linval Joseph yet he proved to be the 2nd biggest part of our defense. Or Terrance Newman who recorded 3 picks at age 37 and beat out our 1st round draft pick. The point that Im getting to is that you need to use ALL**** sources to make your team better. Draft yes Free Agency yes (not teddy Ts style) trades yes (not Teddy Ts style) and waiver wire. Look at the Denver Broncos who just won the super bowl. They splashed in FA with the signings of Aqib Talib or Demarcus Ware or Emanuel Sanders or TJ Ward or the starting QB Peyton Manning. They also drafted well but you cant fully rely on that. The Packers got super lucky in 2010 because Sharon just flat out played amazing… no other way around it.

Mike McCarthy was right when the season ended. He hinted the Packers needed to be more active in FA but with Teddy T at the helm good luck. I will give Teddy T 2 more years in GB. When the Vikings do enough damage to the Packers and realize Sharon cant hold the team to himself anymore Teddy T will get pressured to make a move. But with what I shared in the history of Teddy T I doubt he caves. As long as Teddy stays GM for the Packers I will never be scared of them. Theyre are so many mid level FA that could help the Packers but Teddy T is to stupid to see it. Theyre 11 positions on offense and defense. And last I checked the Packers dont have 22 draft picks a year.

Now I know as a Vikings fan Ill get so much shit because you guys won more super bowls than us, but we didnt have the luxury of having 2 hall of fame QBs in what will be almost 3 decades. In the 70s Terry Bradshaw won 4 super bowls, in the 80s Joe Montana won 3 super bowls, in the 90s Troy Aikman won 3 super bowls. And since 2001 Tom Brady has won 4. Yet since 1992 the Packers have had a hall of fame QB with them but only won 2. The second Sharon goes down goes the Packers. Teddy T cant rely just on him but he has and to me he’s the only reason why he has a job.

Again Im so shitfaced during this writing I apologized for the missing words and sentence fragments, but I do hope you understand this.

God Bless,

Bobby Loves-Biscuits/ Turtle Kennedy.

Why Life after College Sucks Part 2

Hang in there you guys, hang in there.

About a year ago i wrote a similar article to this one, the reason i’m doing it is i’ve talked to even more friend who recently graduated and life fucking sucks after college and we can agree on it. Seriously i’ve been out of school for just short of 2 years and i’m ready to call er quits and go pull tits and work on the farm. A few things have changed from the last time I wrote the blog so here goes my list of reasons why life after college sucks.

1.) Your forced to stay at your job till a certain hour

Get there at 8:00am sharp if you roll in at 8:01 with a smile on your face some bitchy ass boss is up your ass, trick i’ll stay 1 minute past my ending time at work ok. Not my fault i’m still going through my bad boy phase and dumping lattes down my gullett, having strange girls stay in my bed and sleeping through the 14 alarms I set for myself. True story this happened the other day, only part I forgot was literally rolling out of the rack, grabbing my car keys and going to work in the same clothes I went out in the night before. Such a grubby move, I smelt like the biddie that I woke up to cuddling, fuggin collick was in full effect, looking like shit, almost passing out at my desk, damnit if it was college i would’ve skipped class. Don’t cage me up and tell me to stay there till 5:00, i’m sitting at the door waiting for the clock to touch 5. Fuck responsibility.

2.) You always second guess yourself

Should I pursue my dream of being a sports broadcaster, make 20 grand, living Wyoming in hopes of being the next Bob Uecker, or do I play it safe, work some fuckig tired ass sales job make 40k and be able to actually put food on the table and do fun things. I legit still haven’t figured it out, it’s so frustrating IDK if i should grind harder or just quit and be an intern and work my way up. Not to mention everyone thinks they’re going to get their dream job out of college to realize the jobs available don’t even take a college degree. I swear I never want to ever look at Indeed.com again or fill out another cover letter

Biddies-

I work at a place where there are 2 girls. One is a 55 year old women who I wouldn’t touch with Swaggy C’s dick, the other is a mid 20’s heifer who always tries to show off skin and sit her arrssss on my desk while I gringe knowing i’ll have to cover for her if he big tush breaks it. Gimmie the days where you see 20 hotties in your class and you can just chirp at them in class projects or shoot them a snapchat. Grad School at Arizona State still is in the cards for me guys.

All your friends are gone

fuck chilling with them during or after class, or going to The Bull, or even living with them. Nope they are all sprinkled throughout Wisconsin or took jobs somewhere else, which leaves you to work your 9-5, maybe do a few planks at the gym, scoop some food and watch the bachellorette then hit the sack and do it all over again. It’s a big deal if you meet someone out for a beer or heaven forbid have them in town to hit a bucks game my god i’m considering getting a dog to be my bestie.

Seeing Other kids in college enjoying it

I just wanna do this to them.

Seriously seeing this kiddos on spring break right now makes me want to vommit, out there crushing Keystone Light at noon, grinding on girls on the beach meanwhile i’m rocking a polo, jeans and drinking coffee with people I hate. Kids going out on weeknights, staying up all night, I legit am stopping to type anymore because it’s depressing.

Everybody hit the sack works coming early in the morning, just miserable absolutley miserable.

KASH